Non Sequiturum

CANCER - AN ALTERNATIVE WAY TO ELIMINATE IT

2009-06-12T10:14:00.001+02:00

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.

Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumours.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5.. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumour size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumour destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

WHAT CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal,Spoonful etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk, cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to no urish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties.Water-

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrefied and leads to more toxic build-up.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

(PLEASE FORWARD IT TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT)

MAYBE...

2009-06-11T11:16:00.000+02:00

Maybe... we are supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the new one which opened for us.

Maybe... It is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe... The happiest people don't necessarily have the best=2 0of everything; they just make the most of everything they have.

Maybe... You should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.

Maybe... There are moments in life when you miss someone – a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child – so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Maybe... The best kind of friend is one you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word...but when they walk away you feel as if it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe... You should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe... You should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe… Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be conte nt that it grew in yours.

Maybe.. You shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; Don't go for wealth; even that fades. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe... You could send this message to those people who mean something to you,

to those who have touched your life either positively or negatively.

to those who can, and do, make you smile when you really need it.

to those who make you see the brighter side of things, when you are really down.

THE SOUR SOP - GUYABANO

2009-06-08T22:20:00.001+02:00

Guyabano - 10,000X stronger than chemo

THE SOUR SOP (Guyabano)

The Sour Sop or the fruit from the graviola tree is a miraculous natural cancer cell killer 10,000 times stronger than Chemo ...

Why are we not aware of this? Its because some big corporation want to make back their money spent on years of research by trying to make a synthetic version of it for sale. So, since you know it now you can help a friend in need by letting him know or just drink some sour sop juice yourself as a prevention from time to time. The taste is not bad afterall. Its completely natural and definitely has no side effects. If you have the space plant one in your garden. The other parts of the tree are also useful.

The next time you have a fruit juice, ask for a sour sop.

shfoong: guyabano.

How many people died in vain while this billion-dollar
drug maker concealed the secret of the miraculous Graviola tree?

If there ever was a single example that makes it dramatically clear why the existence of Health Sciences Institute is so vital to Americans like you, it's the incredible story behind the Graviola tree.

The truth is stunningly simple: Deep within the Amazon Rainforest grows a tree that could literally revolutionize what you, your doctor, and the rest of the world thinks about cancer treatment and chances of survival. The future has never looked more promising.

Research shows that with extracts from this miraculous tree it now may be possible to....

· Attack cancer safely and effectively with an all-natural therapy that does not cause extreme nausea, weight loss and hair loss

· Protect your immune system and avoid deadly infections

· Feel stronger and healthier throughout the course of the treatment

· Boost your energy and improve your outlook on life

The source of this information is just as stunning: It comes from one of America 's largest drug manufacturers, the fruit of over 20 laboratory tests conducted since the 1970's! What those tests revealed was nothing short of mind numbing... Extracts from the tree were shown to:

· Effectively target and kill malignant cells in 12 types of cancer, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreatic cancer.

· The tree compounds proved to be up to 10,000 times stronger in slowing the growth of cancer cells than Adriamycin, a commonly used chemotherapeutic drug!

· What's more, unlike chemotherapy, the compound extracted from the Graviola tree selectively hunts down and kills only cancer cells. It does not harm healthy cells!

The amazing anti-cancer properties of the Graviola tree have been extensively researched-- so why haven't you heard anything about it? If Graviola extract is as half as promising as it appears to be--why doesn't every single oncologist at every major hospital insist on using it on all his or her patients?

The spine-chilling answer illustrates just how easily our health--and for many, our very lives(!)--are controlled by money and power.

Graviola--the plant that worked too well

One of America 's biggest billion-dollar drug makers began a search for a cancer cure and their research centered on Graviola, a legendary healing tree from the Amazon Rainforest.

Various parts of the Graviola tree--including the bark, leaves, roots, fruit and fruit-seeds- -have been used for centuries by medicine men and native Indians in South America to treat heart disease, asthma, liver problems and arthritis. Going on very little documented scientific evidence, the company poured money and resources into testing the tree's anti-cancerous properties-- and were shocked by the results. Graviola proved itself to be a cancer-killing dynamo.

But that's where the Graviola story nearly ended.

The company had one huge problem with the Graviola tree--it's completely natural, and so, under federal law, not patentable. There's no way to make serious profits from it. It turns out the drug company invested nearly seven years trying to synthesize two of the Graviola tree's most powerful anti-cancer ingredients. If they could isolate and produce man-made clones of what makes the Graviola so potent, they'd be able to patent it and make their money back. Alas, they hit a brick wall. The original simply could not be replicated. There was no way the company could protect its profits--or even make back the millions it poured into research.

As the dream of huge profits evaporated, their testing on Graviola came to a screeching halt. Even worse, the company shelved the entire project and chose not to publish the findings of its research!

Luckily, however, there was one scientist from the Graviola research team whose conscience wouldn't let him see such atrocity committed. Risking his career, he contacted a company that's dedicated to harvesting medical plants from the Amazon Rainforest and blew the whistle.

Miracle unleashed

When researchers at the Health Sciences Institute were alerted to the news of Graviola, they began tracking the research done on the cancer-killing tree. Evidence of the astounding effectiveness of Graviola--and its shocking cover-up--came in fast and furious.....

.....The National Cancer Institute performed the first scientific research in 1976. The results showed that Graviola's "leaves and stems were found effective in attacking and destroying malignant cells." Inexplicably, the results were published in an internal report and never released to the public...

....Since 1976, Graviola has proven to be an immensely potent cancer killer in 20 independent laboratory tests, yet no double-blind clinical trials--the typical benchmark mainstream doctors and journals use to judge a treatment's value--were ever initiated...

.......A study published in the Journal of Natural Products, following a recent study conducted at Catholic University of South Korea stated that one chemical in Graviola was found to selectively kill colon cancer cells at "10,000 times the potency of (the commonly used chemotherapy drug) Adriamycin.. ."

....The most significant part of the Catholic University of South Korea report is that Graviola was shown to selectively target the cancer cells, leaving healthy cells untouched. Unlike chemotherapy, which indiscriminately targets all actively reproducing cells (such as stomach and hair cells), causing the often devastating side effects of nausea and hair loss in cancer patients.

....A study at Purdue University recently found that leaves from the Graviola tree killed cancer cells among six human cell lines and were especially effective against prostate, pancreatic and lung cancers...

Seven years of silence broken--it's finally here!

A limited supply of Graviola extract, grown and harvested by indigenous people in Brazil , is finally available in America .

The full Graviola story--including where you can get it and how to use it--is included in Beyond Chemotherapy: New Cancer Killers, Safe as Mother's Milk, a Health Sciences Institute FREE special bonus report on natural substances that will effectively revolutionize the fight against cancer. This crucial report (along with five more FREE reports) is yours ABSOLUTELY FREE with a new membership to the Health Sciences Institute. It's just one example of how absolutely vital each report from the Institute can be to your life and those of your loved ones.

From breakthrough cancer and heart research and revolutionary Amazon Rainforest herbology to world-leading anti-aging research and nutritional medicine, every monthly Health Sciences Institute Member's Alert puts in your hands today cures the rest of America --including your own doctor(!)--is likely to find out only ten years from now.

You need the Health Sciences Institute in your life because you and your loved ones deserve to know--and you deserve to know it NOW!!

HOW TO GET THROUGH LIFE

2009-05-27T21:03:00.000+02:00

How To Get Through Life

Sleep as much as you can ....

Read books that you enjoy...

Play with simple things...

Do whatever you want --

whenever you want...

Look for affection when you need it...

Get serious once in a while...

Forget about diets....

Show some affection...

Get angry once in a while....

Change your looks...

Above all, be happy,

regardless of what

your challenges may be...

Have a great life!

May your troubles be less,

your blessings more,

and may nothing but happiness

come through your door.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FOUR WORMS AND A LESSON...

2009-05-06T06:18:00.000+02:00

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would
Add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service.

DO DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?

2009-04-22T05:15:00.000+02:00

This is literally a 'church signs' debate, being played out in a Southern US town, between Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church, and Cumberland Presbyterian, a fundamentalist church. From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time.

The Catholics are displaying a much better sense of humor! You get the impression that the Presbyterians are actually taking this seriously and are getting a bit upset...

Forward to all animal lovers and you'll get a cookie, doggie biscuit or rock depending on what God decides your reward for humor will be.

BAPTIST SHAMPOO

2009-04-21T05:09:00.000+02:00

God Bless America

Baptist
Shampoo

While shopping in a grocery store, two Baptist church ladies happened to pass
By the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second good Baptist sister answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to
Have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first sister replied that she would handle that without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, so the good Baptist sister said,

'This is for washing our hair.'

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put

A package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

'The curlers are on me.'

THE AWWW MOMENT FOR THE DAY

2009-04-20T17:12:00.001+02:00

These little bunnies, about 6 days old, were attacked by a dog and orphaned.
Two out of the litter of five did not survive, and these three were not doing very well.

Noah is a non-releasable, one-legged homing pigeon that we have here in rehab. Noah kept going over to the bunny cage and looking in...even sleeping in front of the door to the cage.

Then, 2 days ago, I only counted 2 bunnies in the cage, so I hurriedly picked Noah up from the front of the cage so I could look inside. And to my surprise...there was the tiny bunny...under Noah's wing...sound asleep! The bunny had crawled through the cage....preferring a featherbed, no doubt.
Now, they are all together, and the bunnies are doing GREAT. When the bunnies scoot underneath Noah's feathers, he extends his wings out to surround them..and they snuggle. When one of them moves and they start sticking out here and there, he gently pushes them back under him with his beak!!!!! This is amazing!!!

MEET MARVIN

2009-04-03T11:56:00.000+02:00

Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
------------------------------ -----------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head
And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------ ------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
To the select few women who can handle it!

AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'...

Maxine just had to have the last word.

UNEMPLOYED

2009-03-19T20:25:00.003+01:00

An unemployed worker applies at Microsoft for the
position of a janitor.

The HR chief invites him to an interview and
subjects him to some tests.

Then he tells him: You got the job, just give me your e-mail address so that I can send you the employment contract as well as the day and time when to start.

The man is distraught and answers that he has no computer and therefore also no e-mail.

The HR boss tells him that if he has no e-mail address he virtually does not exist and therefore cannot hold a job.

The man leaves in a desperate mood without knowing what to do with his last $10 in his pocket.
Finally he decides to go into a supermarket to buy a
10 lb box of strawberries.

He starts out with door to door calls in order to sell those
strawberries by the pound.
He manages to double
his capital in 2 hours.
He repeats the deal 3 times more and goes home with $60 in his pocket.

He comes to see that he can survive this way. He starts every day earlier and comes home every day later. So he triples or quadruples his money every day.

A short time later he buys a wheel barrow, then exchanges it later into a truck and sooner or later is the owner of a complete fleet of delivery trucks.

5 year go by…

The man is now the owner of one of the largest food chain in the USA

Now he starts thinking about the future for him and his family and decides

He calls an agent and selects a good policy.

At the end of the negotiations the agent asks him for his e-mail address
to send him a confirmation of the policy.

The man tells him that he doesn’t
have an e-mail address!
That is strange, says the agent, you have no e-mail and nevertheless you built this large empire.
Can you imagine where you would be if you had an e-mail address.

The man briefly thinks and
then answers:
I WOULD BE A TOILET CLEANER AT MICROSOFT!

Moral 1 of the story:

The internet does not solve all the problems in our lives!

Moral 2 of the story:

When you have no e-mail but work hard you can become a millionaire!

Moral 3 of the story:

You received this story by e-mail. Therefore you are closer to
a janitor than to a millionaire!

Nevertheless
have a good day!!!!!

Don’t answer this e-mail since I am out buying strawberries!!!

TAWA MUNA TAYO

2009-03-16T12:08:00.004+01:00

Pedro & Juan.. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!

Tatay to anak..
TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor.
ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino Tatay nun

Tatay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng softdrink
Anak: Coke o Pepsi?
Tatay: Coke
Anak: Diet o Regular?
Tatay: regular
Anak: Bote o in can?
Tatay: Bote
Anak: 8 oz o litro?
Tatay:Bwiset, tubig na nga lang.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Hayop ka!
Anak: Baka o kambing?

Mental patient is singing while lying in his hospital bed. After a song, he turns face down to sing again.
NURSE: Bakit ka bumaliktad?
PATIENT: Side B na kasi eh.

ANAK: 'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!

Doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e Doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test tapos sasabihin pa niya... THINK POSITIVE !

Mahirap intindihin ang mga Kano kasi sa kanila ang malambot "SoP", ang sabaw "SoP", ang sabon "SoP" pa rin.

ANAK: 'Tay , anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!

What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
It wooden start!!!

Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquil.

Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,

Elpidio:
E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
P as in pidio,
I as in idio,
D as in dio,
I as in io, and
O as in o.

Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel:

A as in Airport agen,
B as in Because,
A as in airport agen,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba ,
U as in Europe ,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.

Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano

Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....

Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.

Anak : Tays! kakains nas tayos!
Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !

BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng "cooling place"?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihon mo: "Hilow, hus cooling place?"

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."

So the Chinese guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough"
The Japanese man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative"

Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!

What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines ?
In the US , they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!

Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!

Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose ...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

ONLINE FRAUD BEWARE

2009-03-05T14:07:00.002+01:00

NEVER EVER GIVE YOUR CREDIT CARD OR PERSONAL DATA TO A SITE THAT DOES NOT BEGIN WITH HTTPS://

FIRST MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF:

**The main difference between http:// and https:// is It's all about keeping you secure**

HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients.

The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS.

The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure".

If you visit a website or webpage, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://.

This means that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecure' language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site.

This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http website!

But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on.

You understand why this is so important, right?

If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://.

If it doesn't, there's no way you're going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number.

PASS IT ON

(You may save someone a lot of grief)

THERAPY

2009-02-27T11:45:00.002+01:00

Your Goal should be to try at least one of these a week!

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks... Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana.'

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called... THERAPY

MAXINE'S WINTER

2009-01-31T21:50:00.000+01:00

LIVING A LIFE

2009-01-18T14:54:00.008+01:00

Follow the 3 R's:

Respect for self, Respect for others & Responsibility for all your actions.

Learn the rules so U know how to break them properly.

When U lose, don't lose the lesson.

When U realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Remember that not getting what U want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Judge your success by what U had to give up in order to get it.

Live a good & honorable life so that when U grow older & think back,

U will be able to enjoy it a second time.

ARE THERE ANY TAKERS?

2009-01-12T22:42:00.000+01:00

Would-Be Bride, 107, Seeks Her First Husband

Too afraid to wed when young, Chinese woman fears she's a 'burden' to kin

updated 8:02 a.m. ET, Mon., Jan. 12, 2009

BEIJING - A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about, a Chinese paper reported.

Wang Guiying is worried she is becoming a burden to her aging nieces and nephews since breaking her leg when she was 102 and had to stop doing chores like washing her clothes.

"I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"

Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said.

"All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening," she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing.

Many also had their feet bound in an excruciating process aimed at making them look more dainty and marriageable.

Worried about becoming a 'burden'

After Wang's father, mother and older sister died, she still shied away from marriage. Instead she moved to the countryside and survived as a farmer until she was 74 years old and no longer strong enough to work in the fields, the report said.

Her nephew in the booming city of Chongqing then took Wang in, but she is worried he and her other nephews and nieces are too old to take care of her now even the youngest is 60.

"My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden," she said.

Local officials have said they are happy to help Wang search for a 100-year old groom, and suggested her family get in touch with old people's homes to find candidates, the paper said.

MEDIEVAL TOWN - RHODES

2009-01-02T22:47:00.000+01:00

Rhodes (Greek: Ρόδος, Ródos, IPA: [ˈro̞ðo̞s]) is the principal city of the Greek island of Rhodes, in the southeastern Aegean Sea, and the capital of the Dodecanese prefecture. Its has a population of approximately 80,000. Rhodes has been famous since antiquity as the site of Colossus of Rhodes, one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The citadel of Rhodes, built by the Hospitalliers, is one of the best preserved medieval towns in Europe which in 1988 was designated as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

TAKE THE TIME

2008-12-13T10:18:00.002+01:00

FLOWERS FOR THE UNKNOWN SOLDIERS

2008-11-16T16:32:00.003+01:00

Armistice Day is the anniversary of the symbolic end of World War I on 11 November 1918. It commemorates the armistice signed between the Allies and Germany at Rethondes, France, for the cessation of hostilities on the Western Front, which took effect at eleven o'clock in the morning — the "eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month". While this official date to mark the end of the war reflects the cease fire on the Western Front, hostilities continued in other regions, especially across the former Russian Empire and in parts of the old Ottoman Empire.

The date was declared a national holiday in many allied nations to commemorate those members of the armed forces who were killed during war. Called Armistice Day in many countries, it was known as National Day in Poland (also a public holiday) called Polish Independence Day. After World War II, the name of the holiday was changed to Veterans Day in the United States and to Remembrance Day in countries of the British Commonwealth of Nations. Armistice Day remains an official holiday in France. It is also an official holiday in Belgium, known also as the Day of Peace in the Flanders Fields.

In many parts of the world people take a two minute moment of silence at 11:00 a.m. as a sign of respect for the roughly 20 million who died in the war, as suggested by Edward George Honey in a letter to a British newspaper although Wellesley Tudor Pole established two ceremonial periods of remembrance based on events in 1917. Beginning in 1939 the two-minute silence was moved to the Sunday nearest 11 November in order not to interfere with wartime production should 11 November fall on a weekday. Since the 1990s a growing number of people have observed a two-minute silence on 11 November, resulting in both Armistice Day and Remembrance Sunday being commemorated formally in the UK (although in 2007 they fell on the same day).

11 November 2008 is the 90th anniversary of Armistice Day. 2018 will be the 100th anniversary.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armistice_Day

LLORET DE MAR, SPAIN

2008-11-07T00:35:00.000+01:00

MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL 2008 - BRUSSELS, BELGIUM

2008-11-06T22:52:00.000+01:00

CONTESA DEL SECCHIO - SAN ELPIDIO, ITALY

2008-11-06T09:34:00.001+01:00

TAWA MUNA PARA MARELAX!!!

2008-11-06T09:04:00.001+01:00

Sen.Lito Lapid: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Sen.Jinggoy: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?!
Ang H2O ay water! At ang CO2.... cold water..

Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit. Naunang namatay si Dado. Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado. 'Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?' usisa ni Rodel. 'Oo naman!' tugon ni Dado. 'Parang hindi totoo!' bulalas ni Rodel. 'O, ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?' Sagot ni Dado, 'May maganda at masama akong balita sa 'yo. Ang maganda, may basketbol doon. Ang masama... kasali ka sa makakalaban namin bukas!' (ngek!)

Usapan ng dalawang bata....
Junjun: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, 'yang Pacific Ocean ,
siya ang humukay nun!
Pedrito: Wala 'yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo, yung Dead Sea ?
Junjun: Oo...
Pedrito: Siya ang pumatay nun!

Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No.

Misis: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw nalang tayong nag-aaway
Mabuti pa, umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to!
Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito, away roon! Mabuti pa
siguro, sumama na ako sa 'yo!

Sa isang classroom... .
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks..
Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your card.

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay
kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!

Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano
raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung taga-ayos ng radio sa car!

Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
Harry: Nagtampo sa 'kin ang utol ko.
Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya.
Rodrigo: 'Yun lang? Anong masama ru'n?
Harry: Ang masama ru'n... twins kami! Twins

Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest

Policeman arresting a prostitute
Prosti: I am not selling sex
Police: Then what are you doing?
Prosti: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.

Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).

Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.

Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko?
Halos kita na utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.

A naked girl takes a taxi
Naked Girl: 'Bakit ka nakatitig sa katawan ko, ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?'
Driver: 'Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo'

Beauty contest
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po..
pero bakit naman butligs pa.....

Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may
sakit siya ako po yung substitute.. ..

Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat
and a saucer of kangkong. Fruits for dessert and lots of juice....
Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals?

Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?!! !
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!

SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao... 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress: Kasi po, may itlog sa loob.(o, loko!)

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

HEART ATTACK AND DRINKING WARM WATER

2008-09-13T09:35:00.001+02:00

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about

Heart Attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer . It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting . Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line .

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.

A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.

I JUST DID - -

PINOYS AND PINAYS

2008-06-26T08:50:00.004+02:00

Meron akong gustong ibahagi para sa ating lahat na mga PILIPINO. Simple pero parang mahirap gawin ng karamihan sa atin. Hindi ito makukuha sa puro daldalan lang or walang kabuluhang pagtatalo, kumilos tayo ngayon na.

Sa ibang bansa: Pag nagkasala ang Pinoy, pinarusahan siya ayon sa batas.

Sa PINAS: Pag nagkasala ang ang Pinoy, ayaw niyang maparusahan kasi sabi niya mali raw ang batas.

Sa ibang bansa: Pinag-aaralan muna ng Pinoy ang mga batas bago siya pumunta roon, kasi takot siyang magkamali.

Sa PINAS: Pag nagkamali ang Pinoy, sorry kasi hindi raw niya alam na labag sa batas iyon.

Sa ibang bansa: Kahit gaano kataas ang bilihin at tax sa USA okey lang, katuwiran natin doble kayod na lang.

Sa PINAS: mahilig ka sa last day para magbayad ng tax minsan dinadaya mo pa o kaya hindi ka nagbabayad. Rally ka kaagad kapag tumaas ang pasahe at bilihin sa halip na magsipag mas gusto natin ang nagkukwentuhan lang sa munisipyo o kahit sa alinmang tanggapan.

Sa Singapore : Kapag nahuli kang nagkalat or nagtapon ng basura sa hindi tamang lugar, magbabayad ka na 500 Singapore dollars. Sabi ng Pinoy, okey lang kasi lumabag ako sa batas.

Sa Pinas: Kapag nagkamali ang Pinoy katulad nang ganito, Sabi ng Pinoy, ang lupit naman ni Bayani Fernando, mali naman ang pinaiiral niyang batas eh akala mo kung sino. Ayun nag-rally na ang Pinoy, gustong patalsikin si Bayani Fernando kahit na alam niyang mali siya.

Mga igan, ilan pa lang iyan baka may iba pa kayong alam.

Bakit ang PINOY, pwedeng maging 'law abiding citizen sa ibang bansa ng walang angal' pero sa sarili nating bayang PILIPINAS na sinasabi ninyong mahal natin, eh hindi natin magawa, BAKIIITTTTT?????????

ETO PA, 'Ang Pilipino NOON at NGAYON':
NOON: Wow ang sarap ng kamote (kahit nakaka-utot)

NGAYON: Ayaw ko ng kamote gusto ko French Fries (imported eh)
NOON: Wow ang sarap ng kapeng barako

NGAYON: Ayaw ko niyan gusto kong kape sa STARBUCKS (imported coffee 100 pesos per cup)
NOON: Bili ka ng tela para magpatahi ng pantalon like maong

NGAYON: Gusto ko LEVI'S, WRANGLER, LEE (Tapos rally tayo 'GMA tuta ng KANO ') Di ba tuta ka rin naman.
NOON: Sabon na Perla OK ng pampaligo

NGAYON: Gusto mo DOVE, HENO DE PRAVIA, IVORY, etc. may matching shampoo pa
NOON: Pag naglaba ka batya at palopalo ok na, minsan banlaw lang sa batis pwede na

NGAYON: Naka-washing machine ka na plus ARIEL powder soap with matching DOWNY pa para mabango. Alam ko mas marami pa ang alam ninyo tungkol dito, pero mangilan-ngilan lang iyan para bigyan ng pansin.

Mga Pilipino nga ba tayo? O baka sa salita lang at E-Mail pero wala naman sa gawa.

My Fellow Filipinos,

When I was small, the Philippine peso was P7 to the $dollar. The president was Diosdado Macapagal. Life was simple. Life was easy. My father was a farmer. My mother kept a small sari-sari store where our neighbors bought sang-perang asin, sang-perang bagoong, sang-perang suka, sang-perang toyo at pahinging isang butil na bawang. Our backyard had kamatis, kalabasa, talong, ampalaya, upo, batao, and okra. Our silong had chicken… We had a pig, dog & cat. And of course, we lived on the farm. During rainy season, my father caught frogs at night which my mother made into batute (stuffed frog), or just plain fried. During the day, he caught hito and dalag from his rice paddies, which he would usually inihaw. During dry season, we relied on the chickens, vegetables, bangus, tuyo, and tinapa. Every now and then, there was pork and beef from the town market.

Life was so peaceful, so quiet, no electricity, no TV. Just the radio for Tia Dely, Roman Rapido, Tawag ng Tanghalan and Tang-tarang-tang. And who can forget Leila Benitez on Darigold Jamboree? On weekends, I played with my neighbours (who were all my cousins). Tumbang-preso, taguan, piko, luksong lubid, patintero, at iba pa. I don't know about you, but I miss those days.

These days, we face the TV, Internet, e-mail, newspaper, magazine, grocery catalog, or drive around. The peso is a staggering and incredible P47 to the $dollar. Most people can't have fun anymore. Life has become a battle. We live to work. Work to live. Life is not easy. I was in Saudi Arabia in 1983. It was lonely, difficult, & scary. It didn't matter if you were a man or a woman. You were a target for rape. The salary was cheap & the vacation far between. If the boss didn't want you to go on holiday, you didn't. They had your passport. Oh, and the agency charged you almost 4 months of your salary (which, if you had to borrow on a '20% per month arrangement' meant your first year's
pay was all gone before you even earned it).

The Philippines used to be one of the most important countries in Asia. Before & during my college days, many students from neighboring Asian countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Japan and China went to the Philippines to get their diplomas. Until 1972, like President Macapagal, President Marcos was one of the most admired presidents of the world. The Peso had kept its value of P7 to the $dollar until I finished college.

Today, the Philippines is famous as the 'housemaid' capital of the world. It ranks very high as the 'cheapest labor' capital of the world, too. We have maids in Hong Kong, laborers in Saudi Arabia, dancers in Japan, migrants and TNTs in Australia and the US, and all sorts of other 'tricky' jobs in other parts of the globe.

Quo Vadis, Pinoy? Is that a wonder or a worry? Are you proud to be a Filipino, or does it even matter anymore? When you see the Filipino flag and hear the Pambansang Awit, do you feel a sense of pride or a sense of defeat & uncertainty? If only things could change for the better....... Hang on for this is a job for Superman. Or whom do you call? Ghostbusters. Joke. Right?

This is one of our problems.
We say 'I love the Philippines… I am proud to be a Filipino.'

When I send you a joke, you send it to everyone in your address book even if it kills the Internet. But when I send you a note on how to save our country & ask you to forward it, what do you do?

You chuck it in the bin.

I want to help the maids in Hong Kong... I want to help the laborers in Saudi Arabia... I want to help the dancers in Japan... I want to help the TNTs in America and Australia...

I want to save the people of the Philippines... But I cannot do it alone. I need your help and everyone else's.

So please forward this e-mail to your friends. If you say you love the Philippines, prove it. And if you don't agree with me, say something anyway. Indifference is a crime on its own.

Juan Delacruz

TILL WE MEET AGAIN

2008-06-21T08:29:00.003+02:00

Without you I could not have been the one who I was expected to be when
All you had to do is show me that I was the love in your life

As I try to learn to live without your friendship that I have grown accustomed too
I feel a great emptiness inside that is swelling more and more each day from this void
I have inside that use to be where your love use to fill

While the time passes, every second seems like an hour and every hour seems like a day
As I walk aimlessly through the places we always felt happiest when we just needed to
Be there for each other at the end of everyday

Now that you are gone I wish I was there with you to guide you and be beside you
Until you get to where you were are going now even though you have to do it alone
And my only conciliation is that we will be together again somewhere someday
With you there to guide me to where we can be together again

With the kind courtesy and permission of Sean Davis
http://seanspoemsandstories.blogspot.com/

BRUSSELS ZINNEKE PARADE 2008 SLIDESHOWS

2008-06-03T10:46:00.000+02:00

Zinneke Parade was born within the framework from Brussels 2000, European Ville of the Culture. It is the expression of a will to organize a great festival in the city, which would throw bridges between the 18 communes and the downtown area and which would mobilize all associations (socio) cultural.

The first Parade was in charge with emotions and joy and marked many memories. The idea was to show at the great day the multicultural richness districts and to cross the barriers of the fragmentation of the Area. It was one of the rare events created at the time of Brussels 2000 to perennialize the adventure. In 2002, the Parade crossed the capital of the south to north around the topic of the “Zinnergie”. In 2004, it followed the way of Zinnodrôme (the boulevard starting from Brouckère until Anneessens) and it was articulated around the topic `the body in the ville'.

WHY I LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES?

2008-05-29T22:34:00.003+02:00

Why I live in the Philippines - funny but true!!!

When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines ? Well here it is ..... It is the only place on earth where......

1. Every street has a basketball court.
2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.
8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
9. Everything can be forged.
10. All kinds of animals are edible.
11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
14 . Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
18. People can pay to defy the law.
19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.
20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!
21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.
22. Being called a bum is never offensive.
23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
27. Where insurance does not work.
28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.
29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.
32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
34.. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;
35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.
36. Fast food is a diet meal.
37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
38. Where being mugged is normal and It happens to everyone.
39. Rodents are normal house pets.
40. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.
41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;
42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.
47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga 'to!)
48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) - than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.
2. Anita Bakery
3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night
4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;
5. A bakery named Bread Pitt
6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.
7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing
8. A boutique called The Way We Wear
9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental
10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken
11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's
12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts
13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll
14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis. Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish' (The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:
15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu ? We hab sopdrink in can an in batol? [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].
16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises - [translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and Pieces] There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like.......
17. In a restaurant in Baguio City, the 'summer capital' of the Philippines : ? Wanted: Boy Waitress?
18. On a highway in Pampanga: ?We Make Modern Antique Furniture?
19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : ?We Shoot You While You Wait?
20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila : ?Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier?.
Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:
21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: ?We Sell Imported Robber Shoes? (these could be the 'sneakiest' sneakers);
22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: ?House For Rent, Fully Furnaced? (it must really be hot inside)!
23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique - if not altogether odd. City in southern Philippines which said: ? Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation? .
24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia - which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively - (believe it or not)!
25. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient.? The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, ?says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign ..... House Fersallarend' (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?
26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because? We are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive?. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?

THE SEX FAIRY

2008-05-07T11:53:00.003+02:00

This is hilarious! Be sure to read the warning at the bottom. I didn't change a word! I'm not messing with the Sex Fairy!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
=============

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
=============

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
=============

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
=============

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
=============

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
==============

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
=============

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay,
preventing plaque build-up.
=============

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
=============

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
=============

This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in the basement of the Dwight House Pub. It has been sent around the world nine times.

Now sex has been sent to you. The 'Hot Sex Fairy' will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.

If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price.

Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 5 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days.

JAPANESE LUNCH BOXES

2008-04-26T11:27:00.001+02:00

Bentō (弁当 or べんとう, Bentō?) is a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. A traditional bento consists of rice, fish or meat, and one or more pickled or cooked vegetables as a side dish.

Containers range from disposable mass produced to hand crafted lacquerware. Although bento are easily available in many places throughout Japan, including convenience stores, bento shops (弁当屋, bentō-ya?), train stations, and department stores, it is still common for Japanese homemakers to spend considerable time and energy producing an appealing boxed lunch.

Bento can be very elaborately arranged. Contests are often held where homemakers can compete for the most aesthetically pleasing arrangements. The food is often decorated to look like people, animals, or characters and items such as flowers and plants. This style of elaborate bento is called kyaraben.

History. The origin of bento can be traced back to the late Kamakura Period (1185 to 1333), when cooked and dried rice called hoshi-ii (糒 or 干し飯, literally "dried meal") was developed. Hoshi-ii can be eaten as is, or can be boiled with water to make cooked rice, and is stored in a small bag. In the Azuchi-Momoyama Period (1568 to 1600), wooden lacquered boxes like today's were produced and bento would be eaten during a hanami or a tea party.In the peaceful and prosperous time of the Edo Period (1603 to 1867), bento culture spread and became more refined. Travelers and sightseers would carry a simple koshibentō (腰弁当, "waist bento"), consisting of several onigiri wrapped with bamboo leaves or in a woven bamboo box.

One of the most popular styles of bento, called makuno-uchi bentō ("between-act bento"), was first made during this period. People who came to see Noh and Kabuki ate specially prepared bento between maku (acts). Numerous cookbooks were published detailing how to cook, how to pack, and what to prepare for occasions like Hanami and Hinamatsuri.In the Meiji Period (1868 to 1912), the first ekibentō or ekiben (駅弁当 or 駅弁, "train station bento") was sold.

There are several records that claim where ekiben was first sold, but it is believed that it was sold on 16 July 1885, at the Utsunomiya train station, and contained two onigiri and a serving of takuan wrapped in bamboo leaves. As early schools did not provide lunch, students and teachers carried bento, as did many employees.

A "European" style bento with sandwiches also went on sale during this period.In the Taisho period (1912 to 1926), the aluminum bento box became a luxury item because of its ease of cleaning and its silver-like appearance. Also, a move to abolish the practice of bento in school became a social issue.

Disparities in wealth spread during this period, following an export boom during World War I and subsequent crop failures in the Tohoku region. A bento too often reflected a student's wealth, and many wondered if this had an unfavorable influence on children both physically, from lack of adequate diet, and psychologically, from a clumsily made bento or the richness of food. After World War II, the practice of bringing bento to school gradually declined and was replaced by uniform food provided for all students and teachers.

Bento regained its popularity in the 1980s, with the help of the microwave oven and the proliferation of convenience stores. In addition, the expensive wood and metal boxes have been replaced at most bento shops with inexpensive, disposable polystyrene boxes. However, even handmade bento have made a comeback, and they are once again a common, although not universal, sight at Japanese schools. The Bento is still used by workers as a packed lunch, by families on day trips, for school picnics and sports days etc. The Bento, made at home, is wrapped in a furoshiki cloth, which acts as both bag and table mat.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bento

A FEW GIGGLES FOR THE DAY

2008-04-24T18:06:00.003+02:00

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:
1. Sag, you're it!
2. Hide and go Pee
3. 20 Questions Shouted into Your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says, "Bend Over!"
6. Musical Recliners
7. Simon says Something Incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend:
1. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
2. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
3. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
4. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Ponderisms:
1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
5. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
6. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
7. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
8, Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
9. Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
10. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
11. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
12. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
13. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
14. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

AWESOME - BRA SIZE 120!

2008-04-12T20:55:00.005+02:00

I don't know what she did and who she did it to, but payback is a mother! They are dead wrong for this one....

******CAREFUL VIEWING******

Don't ever complain about your size!!!

SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS SO THEY CAN APPRECIATE WHAT GOD GAVE THEM.... OR PERHAPS WHAT HE DIDN'T GIVE THEM!

WHAT TAROT CARD ARE YOU?

2008-04-05T09:00:00.001+02:00

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

WHICH WAY ARE YOU?

2008-04-04T19:31:00.004+02:00

*Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.	*Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.	Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.	Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."	If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.	Celery? Never heard of it!
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.	The Mrs Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.	Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.	Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.	Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!

As usual, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really... it's true! Have I ever lied to you?

NB. Thanks Benji!

SMART FOOT!

2008-03-28T10:59:00.000+01:00

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.

It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

HAVE A PLEASANT AND WONDERFUL DAY!

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

2008-03-27T10:04:00.006+01:00

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may
happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it
does happen, you have to worry twice.'
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can st art the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will
compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult project s over time;
don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out
what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do
anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key
buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent
an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in
the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is
often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've
never been grateful for before.
GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

'If God is for us, who can be against us?'
(Romans 8:31)

My instructions were to send this to four people that I
wanted God to bless and I picked you. I decided to send
it to more than four, because I didn't want to limit blessings.

SEND IT FORWARD PLEASE, not backward!

HAPPY EASTER!

2008-03-22T07:45:00.000+01:00

THE ABUSE AND MISUSE OF "UTANG NA LOOB"

2008-03-10T18:47:00.006+01:00

Hello to ALL the REFORMIST

The new structure of the new federation OKR is what I thought so. I think this is a good reformed structure. (I looked at the web) Filipinos is known for its "nepotism virus" (very contaminating) the Godfather (padrino) system which corresponds to "corruption inclination" of those in power was the pillar of many anomalous practices in our Filipino culture. Greed cannot be moderated as the power seekers and the Godfather became convenient partners. (Take note, this applies everywhere, where and when opportunity comes)

The virtue of Utang na loob is often misused or abused in many instances. (As I traced the history of Belgian affaire). In reality this is one of the biggest reasons why corruption flourished in the Filipino character and in all government outlets.

Its development started from a simple hospitality offered by the hospitable Filipinos who expected "returns" in the future (or when neccesity arose). Often times a lasting compensation, or you will be branded "Walang utang na loob". This is just one example. As this virtue is not conceived in its true sense but for the advantage of the seekers and for the glorification of the giver, (also for the beneficiary), then the negative implication destroys the real meaning of this virtue. This is often used by all kinds of people (specially self-vested interest) from all walks of life. Even in simple Barangay politics to the highest level. That is what I obesrved after three months stay in the Philippines last year. Its rediculous!

Please note that many Pinoys are still using the old, traditional habit of giving without expectations. They are happy to extend kindness and recieved simple recognition as sign of gratitude without material value.

In many ways, as I analyzed it, the centralized power of the Philippines' Godfather Rizalist is eliminated in this new structure. "Dadaan sa butas ng karayom" whoever wished for a distinctive power.

I hope THE NEW REFORMIST can build a well-structured leadership system not to repeat the same mistake (or I will demand removing my name in your email list) The changes will not destroy or affect the principles and teachings of Dr. Rizal. The changes that will be implemented is a reflection of broader concept of progressive and efficient leadership system in all OKR regions. I think, considering your (and others) loyalty to the organization, the reformist and the next generation of Rizalians deserves a second chance to continue and perpetuate Rizal immortality with honest to goodness pride of being Knights of Rizal and not mere sheer of superficialities.

I say, TRANSPARENCY IS EQUIVOCAL TO INTEGRITY NOT IN WORDS BUT IN DEEDS, so, go on.........

just sharing opinion

C. SCHOLTZ-de Leon
BELGIUM

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH BEFORE YOU FORGET IT!

2008-03-10T00:36:00.000+01:00

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a new born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

One more. . !

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Like those? Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff !

ERA OF CHEAP FOOD OVER

2008-03-09T12:49:00.002+01:00

By Rupak D. Sharma
Asia News Network
First Posted 00:14:00 03/09/2008

THE FOOD AND AGRICULTURE ORGANIZATION’ S FOOD PRICE INDEX, WHICH is based on export prices for 60 internationally traded foodstuffs, rose 37 percent in 2007 after climbing 14 percent in 2006.

Over the past months, the increase in food prices has accelerated. Prices of wheat, rice, soybeans, corn, palm oil and cocoa have reached record levels, although some commodities have dropped on renewed concern that a slowing US economy will curb demand for raw materials.

Thai rice export prices rose to a 25-year high of $474 a ton last month, up $102 from January, while prices of spring wheat tripled from $8 to $24 a bushel in October last year.

For Juan de la Cruz, this translates into higher prices of his staple and of flour-based products such as pan de sal, noodles and siopao because the
Philippines imports rice and wheat.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that higher prices of food and other commodities pushed up the country’s inflation to 5.4 percent in February, the highest in 17 months.

For the poor, the high prices will mean less food on the table.

What are driving food prices up across the globe? Besides the six reasons mentioned in the article below, funds flowing into commodities because of the weak dollar and stock markets are contributing to the surge.

Food prices are likely to further go up until at least 2010, according to an official of the United Nations’ World Food Program.

“Our assessment is that the current level will continue for the next few years … in fact rise in 2008, 2009 and probably at least until 2010,” Josette Sheeran, executive director of the World Food Program, said Thursday. -- Editor.

HERE’S A SET OF statistics that is difficult to swallow.

The price of rice has increased by around 15 percent in Indonesia. In Bangladesh, wheat flour now costs 40-41 taka (about 60 US cents) per kilogram—up around 50 percent. Pork prices in China have surged by around 100 percent to 24 yuan ($3.33) per kilo. And prices of edible oils went up by 50 percent in Nepal.

In general, the average food price rose by 37 percent in the world in 2007 compared with 9 percent in 2006. Asia also fell into its grip, alarming governments, upsetting consumers and increasing worries that food
might be scarcer in the coming days.

Reasons

The are several reasons for the surge.

Growing affluence, which is increasing the demand for food;

Oil price hike, which is driving up freight rates and the cost of irrigation and petroleum-based fertilizers;

Supply disruptions like floods in Indonesia and Bangladesh, and protests which result in blockades in Nepal; Stagnating output in the case of rice and wheat;

Higher prices of agricultural inputs like fertilizer; and

Changing energy policy of governments.

Changing diet

Due to rising income and changing lifestyle, the dietary patterns in developing countries of Asia are changing fast, increasing demand for all foodstuffs, particularly nutritious food like meat and dairy products.

In China, an average person now consumes 50 kg of meat per year compared with around 20 kg in 1980. A similar trend is seen in other rising Asian economies.

“These developments have intensified the demand for feed grains like corn, barley and oats, driving up their prices. And an increment in prices of livestock feed translates into a rise in the cost of meat,” Jean-Pierre A. Verbiest, country director of Asian Development Bank Thailand, told Asia News Network.

In Japan, farmers are gearing up to increase the price of beef after being unable to bear the burden of high corn prices, which went up by a third last year. According to estimates, 3.1 kg of soya or corn feed are required to produce a kilo of pork and 8.3 kg of similar feed are needed to produce a kilo of beef.

But it is not only higher demand for livestock and poultry products that is fueling food prices. In fact, Asians now have greater appetite for all sorts of food, which can be seen in their rising calorie intake.

In India, the average daily per capita energy intake has increased to 2,440 kilocalories from 2,080 in 1980. A Vietnamese now consumes 2,580 kcal of energy a day compared with 2,030 two decades ago, and Chinese intake has increased to 2,940 kcal a day from 2,330 in 1980.

“Over the years, the larger part of this calorie intake will come from consumption of animal products, fruits and vegetables at the expense of cereals,” said Dorjee Kinley, economist at the Food and Agriculture
Organization (FAO), Asia-Pacific region.

“It is, thus, important that Asian countries diversify its agricultural practices and policies to cater to the changing diets and consumption patterns,” he said.

Stagnant grain yield

But at a time when demand for food is increasing, grain production, mainly rice and wheat, has remained stagnant, creating short supply and pushing up prices.

Global wheat production went up 1.1 percent last year to 602 million tons. In Asia, it increased 3 percent to 278.3 million tons. Whereas the world adds 70 million mouths to feed a year. Wheat is a key ingredient of bakery items and other foodstuffs.

Rice production in Asia, which contributes to 90 percent of the global rice output, crept up 0.4 percent to 389.9 million tons.

Although many cite this as an indication of declining importance of rice among middle-class Asian families—due to the shift to other nutritious
meals—Kinley called it the result of falling investments in agricultural research.

Foreign aid for agriculture and rural development declined to less than $5 billion a year in the late 1990s as against $9 billion in the early 1980s. Only around 4 percent of the development assistance goes to agriculture—meaning less efforts are being put into technology innovation to increase the yields of cereal crops.

Rush for ethanol

Amid the global rush for biofuels, there are speculations that more farmers are allocating a greater portion of land to commercial crops, causing cereal crop yields to stagnate. But statistics show that is not the case in Asia, at least in terms of production.

Corn production in Asia increased 2.2 percent last year compared with 26 percent in the United States. Oil crop production also hovered at 122 million tons last year (similar to that of 2006), showing that Asian farmers still have not joined the ethanol bandwagon in developed countries.

And there are countries like the Philippines where concerns have been raised about biofuel crop cultivation jeopardizing food security and
exacerbating carbon dioxide emissions.

However, Asia’s current negligible participation in ethanol production does not mean that prices of biofuel crops in the region have not gone up. Corn price increases in Japan, the largest corn importing Asian country, were the result of higher international prices—triggered by the allocation of more corn for biofuel production in the United States.

There is a growing demand for crops that generate biofuel and returns are high. It, thus, cannot be said that Asian farmers will continue to plow their fields to grown noncommercial crops.

Greater profit margins may encourage farmers to increase commercial crop acreage, causing grain production to decline and inflating cereal prices.

Victims

Shrinking grain production means food will be more expensive and scarcer in countries that meet their food demands through imports. People living in richer food-importing countries may swallow the guilt of
rising prices, while those living in countries with moderate per capita income may express it openly, raising fears of social tension.

Recently, protests flared up in Indonesia due to food price increases. Indonesia is one of the largest food-importing countries in Asia. It imports 100 percent of its wheat consumption, more than 70 percent
of its soybean needs, 30 percent of beef and meat, 15 percent of sugar and a large portion of rice. Protests were also reported in Pakistan and Malaysia.

But the depressing news for countries like Indonesia is that the situation is not likely to improve anytime soon.

This year, global rice production is expected to go up by 0.3 percent to 429.7 million tons and wheat production is expected to hover at 602.2 million tons. FAO has predicted that if countries like India and China are excluded, the aggregate cereal output would more likely decline in 2008.

While surveys say that world cereal production must go up by around 50 percent by 2030 to meet the global demand, production data indicate that demand will continue to outstrip supply in the coming years. Due
to these factors, the International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI) has predicted food prices to go up by up to 20 percent by 2015.

Fearing short supply (caused by growing international demand), most food exporting countries in Asia have started tightening food security measures by curtailing exports. To discourage rice exports, India has raised the minimum export price to $500 a ton. Vietnam has decided to lower its export to 4.4 million tons and China is also expected to adopt a similar measure.

Bigger victims

What this translates into is: the days ahead for staple food-importing countries will be tougher. There will be less food in the international market and prices will go up.

Apart from countries that meet their domestic staple food demand through imports, the poor and fixed- or low-income people living across Asia will also be major sufferers.

They include around 300 million people in India who earn less than $1 a day, around 102 million Chinese who live below the poverty line and millions more in countries like Burma, Bangladesh, Nepal and Pakistan.

“Among these, the worst affected will be the urban poor, as they have to pay similar high prices the well-off people are paying, as against their poor counterparts living in rural areas where the food is grown,” Kinley said.

The poor usually respond by reducing the quality of food they take and later the number of meals, according to Kinley.

Young children

A study conducted in rural Central Java in Indonesia in 2004 found that when rice prices increased in the late 1990s, mothers in poor families responded by reducing their caloric intake in order to better feed their children, leading to significant weight loss.

Purchases of more nutritious foods were reduced to enable them to afford the more expensive rice. This led to a measurable decline in blood hemoglobin levels in young children and their mothers, increasing the
possibility of developmental damage.

Similar incidents cannot be ruled out as IFPRI predicts a 2-5 percent reduction in calorie intake by 20 percent of the people in Asia by 2020 due to an increase in biofuel crop production.

Way out

Against the gloomy backdrop in which high prices are likely to trigger shortages and malnutrition, the only way to stabilize the situation is by increasing output. To raise production, more land needs to be allocated for agriculture, which again comes at the price of environmental degradation.

In Indonesia, researchers found that converting land for palm oil production could inflict the worst carbon debt, requiring 423 years to pay off. In South Asia, where the focus is on output, there are fears that
production of rice, corn and millet could decline by 10 percent or more due to climate change.

Verbiest said these were complex issues. “But different bodies are responding to these calls and researches are being conducted to produce food in a way different from conventional methods,” he said.

It is important that every country keep investing in agricultural research, infrastructure, capacity building, human resource development and technology to increase yield and develop new seed varieties, so that people can grow more in available agricultural land, he said.

In the short term, governments should introduce targeted programs like extending grants to poor unemployed people or developing a mechanism to distribute food at nominal prices to the poor who qualify for it, according to Verbiest.

“But people need not panic as higher food prices are not a long-term phenomenon and you will see prices stabilizing and coming down within two growing seasons,” he said.

“Otherwise, it would be contrary to all the historical trends to see food prices going up for a prolonged period,” Verbiest said.

International prices of selected commodities (In US $ per ton)

Item 2004-2005 2005-2006 2006-2007

Wheat (US No.2 Hard) 154 175 212
Maize (US No.2 Yellow) 97 104 150
Soybeans 275 259 335

2004 2005 2006

Rice (Thai 100%B) 244 291 311
Beef (US) 3,788 4,173 4,126

Source: Food Outlook - Nov. 2007
Food and Agricultural Organization of the United
Nations

Prices of selected food items in RP (In peso per kg)

Item 2005 2006 2007 2008

Rice, retail 22.88 23.56 24.72 -
Corn (white) wholesale 9.57 11.42 11.88 -
Dressed chicken - - 110 120
Beef, w/ bones* - - 160 180
Pork, liempo* - - 140 150

*All figures are annual averages, except for chicken, beef and pork prices, which are monthly retail averages for January 2007 and 2008 in Metro Manila

Source: Bureau of Agricultural Statistics
Compiled by Kate Pedroso, Inquirer Research

HOW SO SWEET AND TENDER!

2008-03-07T17:24:00.003+01:00

She is pregnant. He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, then he continued to fight the fire.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had just saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

TIME FOR A HORSE LAUGH

2008-03-01T09:08:00.002+01:00

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the Morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that was rather strange, but said nothing and asked Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over"

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What, he had two arseholes?!!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two Arseholes...."

~@~

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.

Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

~@~

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"

"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,

"For F*ck sake, you wanker, it's twenty to two in the f*cking morning!!"

~@~

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner."

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You Fu*king b*stard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a fu*king spanner, he said he didn't have one!"

~@~

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home!"

~@~

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

~@~

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and once in a while a £20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Madam, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the policeman. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back garden backs onto the car park of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I grab it and I say: '£20 or off it comes!' "

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."

INSPIRATION

2008-02-29T18:49:00.001+01:00

GIGGLING IN THE GRAVEYARD

2008-02-18T23:26:00.001+01:00

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

=============================

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

=============================

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the Good Die Young.

=============================

In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================

In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

===============================

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.

================================

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

===============================

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================

In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

=================================

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

=============================

In a Hartscombe, England cemetery:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I'll not consent
until I know which way you went.

YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL!

2008-02-14T21:44:00.001+01:00

EXQUISITE THAI CARVINGS

2008-02-13T00:28:00.000+01:00

Carvings on fruits and vegetables shown at the Thai booth during the 50th Salon des Vacances held at the Heysel International Expo in Brussels, Belgium on 7-11 Febuary 2008.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2008-02-07T10:28:00.000+01:00

The Rat (Chinese:鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is the first of the 12-year cycle of animals which appear in the Chinese zodiac related to the Chinese calendar. Rat is associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities. The Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch symbol 子.

In Chinese, the word 鼠 may refer to either the rat or the mouse. Therefore, in this context, Year of the Mouse and Year of the Rat are interchangeable terms.

Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiacs, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs. Intelligent and cunning at the same time, rats are highly ambitious and strong-willed people who are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include money and power. They are energetic and versatile and can usually find their way around obstacles, and adapt to various environments easily. A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends whom they trust.

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises. Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.

Rats consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and avoid forcing their ideas onto others. Rats are fair in their dealings and expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused. Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will become more idealistic and tolerant. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt. Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night. Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves against hedonism, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling, alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives.

Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends and love interests in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen.

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing, politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, acting, and pathology.

(Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_%28zodiac%29)

Gung Hay Fat Choy!