MEDIEVAL FEAST - BRUSSELS 2007

KATATAWANANG PINOY

TEACHER: panget ng name mo, Conrado Domingo! In short, CONDOM!
PUPIL: ok lang po ma'am! Pero mas pangit sa husband ninyo. Supronio
Potenciano!
In short, SUPOT!
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REPORTER: Tita Cory, kung buhay si Ninoy ngayon, baka pangulo na siya.
CORY: Naka bilanggo siguro.
REPORTER: bakit naman po?
CORY: baka napatay na niya si Kris.
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JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
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GIRL: lahat ng politiko, kawatan!
MAN: sakit mo naman magsalita!
GIRL: bakit, politiko ka ba?
MAN: hindi, kawatan!
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Dalawang unano galing motel.
UNANO 1: pare, hindi ko nagalaw date ko kagabi, buti pa kayo, dinig ko
humihiyaw ka ng "1,2,3 ummph!!"
UNANO 2: gago! Hindi ko kasi maakyat ang kama .
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BETH: halata na ang tiyan mo. Bakit hindi pa kayo papakasal ng BF mo?
MARIA: ayaw ng pamilya niya eh.
BETH: sino may ayaw, tatay o Nanay?
MARIA: yung misis niya.
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Quiapo Church :
MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa hospital.
Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.
MRS: Lord, next time huwag padaan sa pulis, nabawasan agad
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Ano ang saging na mataba? Saba
Ano ang sa ging na maliit? Senorita
Ano ang saging na sinusubo pati balat?
It begins with T.
Esep-esep. Sirit na? .... Turon.
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Young lady to the new parish priest:
LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari?
PRIEST: Ayaw kasi puma yag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!
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SPANISH TEACHER: class, use PUERA in a sentence.
PUPIL: mi maestras son bonitas (all the teachers are beautiful)
TEACHER: oh, that's very flattering, but where's PUERA?
PUPIL: PUERA ka!
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JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
DRIVER: saan galing?
PASSENGER: sa akin.
DRIVER: papunta saan?
PASSENGER: sayo
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Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: Eh ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun!
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!
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Job interview...
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo, at kung saan
nakatira ang kabit mo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!
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Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng
timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya...
Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng 10 kilos 'yung kabayo!
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Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.
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Dalawang bank holdaper...
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper: Gago! Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math.
Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
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Guro: What is 34 books + 25 books?
Pilo: 59 books po.
Guro: Good. Ang 18 + 29 + 30 books?
Pilo: 77 books.
Guro: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books?
Pilo: Ma'am, library po!
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Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.
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After 50 years...
Urbana : Mare, how's your sex life?
Dolores: Well, sa edad ni pare mo, MUKHA na lang ang nagagalit, BALAHIBO na lang ang tumatayo at UBO na lang ang matigas.

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

"And that person was me.".....