Friday, March 28, 2008

SMART FOOT!


You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.

It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.



HAVE A PLEASANT AND WONDERFUL DAY!


Smile

Thursday, March 27, 2008

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS


An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may
happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it
does happen, you have to worry twice.'
1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can st art the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will
compromise your mental health.


5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.







9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult project s over time;
don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out
what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do
anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.



13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key
buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent
an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.


16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.


20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in
the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.



25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is
often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).


31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've
never been grateful for before.
GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.


'If God is for us, who can be against us?'

(Romans 8:31)



My instructions were to send this to four people that I
wanted God to bless and I picked you. I decided to send
it to more than four, because I didn't want to limit blessings.

SEND IT FORWARD PLEASE, not backward!


Saturday, March 22, 2008

Monday, March 10, 2008

THE ABUSE AND MISUSE OF "UTANG NA LOOB"


Hello to ALL the REFORMIST

The new structure of the new federation OKR is what I thought so. I think this is a good reformed structure. (I looked at the web) Filipinos is known for its "nepotism virus" (very contaminating) the Godfather (padrino) system which corresponds to "corruption inclination" of those in power was the pillar of many anomalous practices in our Filipino culture. Greed cannot be moderated as the power seekers and the Godfather became convenient partners. (Take note, this applies everywhere, where and when opportunity comes)

The virtue of Utang na loob is often misused or abused in many instances. (As I traced the history of Belgian affaire). In reality this is one of the biggest reasons why corruption flourished in the Filipino character and in all government outlets.

Its development started from a simple hospitality offered by the hospitable Filipinos who expected "returns" in the future (or when neccesity arose). Often times a lasting compensation, or you will be branded "Walang utang na loob". This is just one example. As this virtue is not conceived in its true sense but for the advantage of the seekers and for the glorification of the giver, (also for the beneficiary), then the negative implication destroys the real meaning of this virtue. This is often used by all kinds of people (specially self-vested interest) from all walks of life. Even in simple Barangay politics to the highest level. That is what I obesrved after three months stay in the Philippines last year. Its rediculous!

Please note that many Pinoys are still using the old, traditional habit of giving without expectations. They are happy to extend kindness and recieved simple recognition as sign of gratitude without material value.

In many ways, as I analyzed it, the centralized power of the Philippines' Godfather Rizalist is eliminated in this new structure. "Dadaan sa butas ng karayom" whoever wished for a distinctive power.

I hope THE NEW REFORMIST can build a well-structured leadership system not to repeat the same mistake (or I will demand removing my name in your email list) The changes will not destroy or affect the principles and teachings of Dr. Rizal. The changes that will be implemented is a reflection of broader concept of progressive and efficient leadership system in all OKR regions. I think, considering your (and others) loyalty to the organization, the reformist and the next generation of Rizalians deserves a second chance to continue and perpetuate Rizal immortality with honest to goodness pride of being Knights of Rizal and not mere sheer of superficialities.

I say, TRANSPARENCY IS EQUIVOCAL TO INTEGRITY NOT IN WORDS BUT IN DEEDS, so, go on.........

just sharing opinion

C. SCHOLTZ-de Leon
BELGIUM

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH BEFORE YOU FORGET IT!

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a new born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't
need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."


Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"


Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."


One more. . !


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."


Like those? Now
, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff !

Old Woman

Sunday, March 09, 2008

ERA OF CHEAP FOOD OVER

By Rupak D. Sharma
Asia News Network
First Posted 00:14:00 03/09/2008

THE FOOD AND AGRICULTURE ORGANIZATION’ S FOOD PRICE INDEX, WHICH is based on export prices for 60 internationally traded foodstuffs, rose 37 percent in 2007 after climbing 14 percent in 2006.

Over the past months, the increase in food prices has accelerated. Prices of wheat, rice, soybeans, corn, palm oil and cocoa have reached record levels, although some commodities have dropped on renewed concern that a slowing US economy will curb demand for raw materials.

Thai rice export prices rose to a 25-year high of $474 a ton last month, up $102 from January, while prices of spring wheat tripled from $8 to $24 a bushel in October last year.

For Juan de la Cruz, this translates into higher prices of his staple and of flour-based products such as pan de sal, noodles and siopao because the
Philippines imports rice and wheat.


It doesn’t come as a surprise that higher prices of food and other commodities pushed up the country’s inflation to 5.4 percent in February, the highest in 17 months.

For the poor, the high prices will mean less food on the table.

What are driving food prices up across the globe? Besides the six reasons mentioned in the article below, funds flowing into commodities because of the weak dollar and stock markets are contributing to the surge.

Food prices are likely to further go up until at least 2010, according to an official of the United Nations’ World Food Program.

“Our assessment is that the current level will continue for the next few years … in fact rise in 2008, 2009 and probably at least until 2010,” Josette Sheeran, executive director of the World Food Program, said Thursday. -- Editor.

HERE’S A SET OF statistics that is difficult to swallow.

The price of rice has increased by around 15 percent in Indonesia. In Bangladesh, wheat flour now costs 40-41 taka (about 60 US cents) per kilogram—up around 50 percent. Pork prices in China have surged by around 100 percent to 24 yuan ($3.33) per kilo. And prices of edible oils went up by 50 percent in Nepal.

In general, the average food price rose by 37 percent in the world in 2007 compared with 9 percent in 2006. Asia also fell into its grip, alarming governments, upsetting consumers and increasing worries that food
might be scarcer in the coming days.

Reasons

The are several reasons for the surge.

Growing affluence, which is increasing the demand for food;

Oil price hike, which is driving up freight rates and the cost of irrigation and petroleum-based fertilizers;

Supply disruptions like floods in Indonesia and Bangladesh, and protests which result in blockades in Nepal; Stagnating output in the case of rice and wheat;

Higher prices of agricultural inputs like fertilizer; and


Changing energy policy of governments.

Changing diet

Due to rising income and changing lifestyle, the dietary patterns in developing countries of Asia are changing fast, increasing demand for all foodstuffs, particularly nutritious food like meat and dairy products.

In China, an average person now consumes 50 kg of meat per year compared with around 20 kg in 1980. A similar trend is seen in other rising Asian economies.

“These developments have intensified the demand for feed grains like corn, barley and oats, driving up their prices. And an increment in prices of livestock feed translates into a rise in the cost of meat,” Jean-Pierre A. Verbiest, country director of Asian Development Bank Thailand, told Asia News Network.

In Japan, farmers are gearing up to increase the price of beef after being unable to bear the burden of high corn prices, which went up by a third last year. According to estimates, 3.1 kg of soya or corn feed are required to produce a kilo of pork and 8.3 kg of similar feed are needed to produce a kilo of beef.

But it is not only higher demand for livestock and poultry products that is fueling food prices. In fact, Asians now have greater appetite for all sorts of food, which can be seen in their rising calorie intake.

In India, the average daily per capita energy intake has increased to 2,440 kilocalories from 2,080 in 1980. A Vietnamese now consumes 2,580 kcal of energy a day compared with 2,030 two decades ago, and Chinese intake has increased to 2,940 kcal a day from 2,330 in 1980.

“Over the years, the larger part of this calorie intake will come from consumption of animal products, fruits and vegetables at the expense of cereals,” said Dorjee Kinley, economist at the Food and Agriculture
Organization (FAO), Asia-Pacific region.

“It is, thus, important that Asian countries diversify its agricultural practices and policies to cater to the changing diets and consumption patterns,” he said.

Stagnant grain yield

But at a time when demand for food is increasing, grain production, mainly rice and wheat, has remained stagnant, creating short supply and pushing up prices.

Global wheat production went up 1.1 percent last year to 602 million tons. In Asia, it increased 3 percent to 278.3 million tons. Whereas the world adds 70 million mouths to feed a year. Wheat is a key ingredient of bakery items and other foodstuffs.

Rice production in Asia, which contributes to 90 percent of the global rice output, crept up 0.4 percent to 389.9 million tons.

Although many cite this as an indication of declining importance of rice among middle-class Asian families—due to the shift to other nutritious
meals—Kinley called it the result of falling investments in agricultural research.

Foreign aid for agriculture and rural development declined to less than $5 billion a year in the late 1990s as against $9 billion in the early 1980s. Only around 4 percent of the development assistance goes to agriculture—meaning less efforts are being put into technology innovation to increase the yields of cereal crops.

Rush for ethanol

Amid the global rush for biofuels, there are speculations that more farmers are allocating a greater portion of land to commercial crops, causing cereal crop yields to stagnate. But statistics show that is not the case in Asia, at least in terms of production.

Corn production in Asia increased 2.2 percent last year compared with 26 percent in the United States. Oil crop production also hovered at 122 million tons last year (similar to that of 2006), showing that Asian farmers still have not joined the ethanol bandwagon in developed countries.

And there are countries like the Philippines where concerns have been raised about biofuel crop cultivation jeopardizing food security and
exacerbating carbon dioxide emissions.

However, Asia’s current negligible participation in ethanol production does not mean that prices of biofuel crops in the region have not gone up. Corn price increases in Japan, the largest corn importing Asian country, were the result of higher international prices—triggered by the allocation of more corn for biofuel production in the United States.

There is a growing demand for crops that generate biofuel and returns are high. It, thus, cannot be said that Asian farmers will continue to plow their fields to grown noncommercial crops.

Greater profit margins may encourage farmers to increase commercial crop acreage, causing grain production to decline and inflating cereal prices.

Victims

Shrinking grain production means food will be more expensive and scarcer in countries that meet their food demands through imports. People living in richer food-importing countries may swallow the guilt of
rising prices, while those living in countries with moderate per capita income may express it openly, raising fears of social tension.

Recently, protests flared up in Indonesia due to food price increases. Indonesia is one of the largest food-importing countries in Asia. It imports 100 percent of its wheat consumption, more than 70 percent
of its soybean needs, 30 percent of beef and meat, 15 percent of sugar and a large portion of rice. Protests were also reported in Pakistan and Malaysia.

But the depressing news for countries like Indonesia is that the situation is not likely to improve anytime soon.

This year, global rice production is expected to go up by 0.3 percent to 429.7 million tons and wheat production is expected to hover at 602.2 million tons. FAO has predicted that if countries like India and China are excluded, the aggregate cereal output would more likely decline in 2008.

While surveys say that world cereal production must go up by around 50 percent by 2030 to meet the global demand, production data indicate that demand will continue to outstrip supply in the coming years. Due
to these factors, the International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI) has predicted food prices to go up by up to 20 percent by 2015.

Fearing short supply (caused by growing international demand), most food exporting countries in Asia have started tightening food security measures by curtailing exports. To discourage rice exports, India has raised the minimum export price to $500 a ton. Vietnam has decided to lower its export to 4.4 million tons and China is also expected to adopt a similar measure.

Bigger victims


What this translates into is: the days ahead for staple food-importing countries will be tougher. There will be less food in the international market and prices will go up.

Apart from countries that meet their domestic staple food demand through imports, the poor and fixed- or low-income people living across Asia will also be major sufferers.

They include around 300 million people in India who earn less than $1 a day, around 102 million Chinese who live below the poverty line and millions more in countries like Burma, Bangladesh, Nepal and Pakistan.

“Among these, the worst affected will be the urban poor, as they have to pay similar high prices the well-off people are paying, as against their poor counterparts living in rural areas where the food is grown,” Kinley said.

The poor usually respond by reducing the quality of food they take and later the number of meals, according to Kinley.

Young children


A study conducted in rural Central Java in Indonesia in 2004 found that when rice prices increased in the late 1990s, mothers in poor families responded by reducing their caloric intake in order to better feed their children, leading to significant weight loss.

Purchases of more nutritious foods were reduced to enable them to afford the more expensive rice. This led to a measurable decline in blood hemoglobin levels in young children and their mothers, increasing the
possibility of developmental damage.

Similar incidents cannot be ruled out as IFPRI predicts a 2-5 percent reduction in calorie intake by 20 percent of the people in Asia by 2020 due to an increase in biofuel crop production.

Way out


Against the gloomy backdrop in which high prices are likely to trigger shortages and malnutrition, the only way to stabilize the situation is by increasing output. To raise production, more land needs to be allocated for agriculture, which again comes at the price of environmental degradation.

In Indonesia, researchers found that converting land for palm oil production could inflict the worst carbon debt, requiring 423 years to pay off. In South Asia, where the focus is on output, there are fears that
production of rice, corn and millet could decline by 10 percent or more due to climate change.

Verbiest said these were complex issues. “But different bodies are responding to these calls and researches are being conducted to produce food in a way different from conventional methods,” he said.

It is important that every country keep investing in agricultural research, infrastructure, capacity building, human resource development and technology to increase yield and develop new seed varieties, so that people can grow more in available agricultural land, he said.

In the short term, governments should introduce targeted programs like extending grants to poor unemployed people or developing a mechanism to distribute food at nominal prices to the poor who qualify for it, according to Verbiest.

“But people need not panic as higher food prices are not a long-term phenomenon and you will see prices stabilizing and coming down within two growing seasons,” he said.

“Otherwise, it would be contrary to all the historical trends to see food prices going up for a prolonged period,” Verbiest said.

International prices of selected commodities (In US $ per ton)

Item 2004-2005 2005-2006 2006-2007

Wheat (US No.2 Hard) 154 175 212
Maize (US No.2 Yellow) 97 104 150
Soybeans 275 259 335

2004 2005 2006

Rice (Thai 100%B) 244 291 311
Beef (US) 3,788 4,173 4,126

Source: Food Outlook - Nov. 2007
Food and Agricultural Organization of the United
Nations

Prices of selected food items in RP (In peso per kg)

Item 2005 2006 2007 2008

Rice, retail 22.88 23.56 24.72 -
Corn (white) wholesale 9.57 11.42 11.88 -
Dressed chicken - - 110 120
Beef, w/ bones* - - 160 180
Pork, liempo* - - 140 150

*All figures are annual averages, except for chicken, beef and pork prices, which are monthly retail averages for January 2007 and 2008 in Metro Manila

Source: Bureau of Agricultural Statistics
Compiled by Kate Pedroso, Inquirer Research

Friday, March 07, 2008

HOW SO SWEET AND TENDER!

She is pregnant. He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, then he continued to fight the fire.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the
fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the
tired man who had just saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.


Fireman&Dog

Saturday, March 01, 2008

TIME FOR A HORSE LAUGH

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the Morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that was rather strange, but said nothing and asked Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over"

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What, he had two arseholes?!!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two Arseholes...."

~@~

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.

Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

~@~

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"
"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,

"For F*ck sake, you wanker, it's twenty to two in the f*cking morning!!"

~@~

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner."

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You Fu*king b*stard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a fu*king spanner, he said he didn't have one!"

~@~

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home!"

~@~

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

~@~

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and once in a while a £20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Madam, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the policeman. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back garden backs onto the car park of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I grab it and I say: '£20 or off it comes!' "

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."