INSPIRATION

GIGGLING IN THE GRAVEYARD

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the Good Die Young.

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In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

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In a Hartscombe, England cemetery:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

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Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

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In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you, I'll not consent
until I know which way you went.

YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL!

EXQUISITE THAI CARVINGS

Carvings on fruits and vegetables shown at the Thai booth during the 50th Salon des Vacances held at the Heysel International Expo in Brussels, Belgium on 7-11 Febuary 2008.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

The Rat (Chinese:鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is the first of the 12-year cycle of animals which appear in the Chinese zodiac related to the Chinese calendar. Rat is associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities. The Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch symbol 子.

In Chinese, the word 鼠 may refer to either the rat or the mouse. Therefore, in this context, Year of the Mouse and Year of the Rat are interchangeable terms.

Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiacs, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs. Intelligent and cunning at the same time, rats are highly ambitious and strong-willed people who are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include money and power. They are energetic and versatile and can usually find their way around obstacles, and adapt to various environments easily. A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends whom they trust.

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises. Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.

Rats consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and avoid forcing their ideas onto others. Rats are fair in their dealings and expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused. Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will become more idealistic and tolerant. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt. Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night. Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves against hedonism, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling, alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives.

Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends and love interests in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen.

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing, politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, acting, and pathology.

(Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_%28zodiac%29)

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

IMPROVE YOURSELF

Let each man learn to know himself;
To gain that knowledge let him labor
To improve those failings in himself
Which he condemns so in his neighbor.

How lenient our own faults we view,
And conscience's voice adeptly smother;
Yet, oh, how harshly we review
The selfsame failings in another!

And if you meet an erring one
Whose deeds are blamable and thoughtless,
Consider, ere you cast the stone,
If you yourself are pure and faultless.

Oh, list to that small voice within,
Whose whisperings oft make men confounded,
And trumpet not another's sin;
You'd blush deep if your own were sounded.

And in self-judgment if you find
Your deeds to others are superior,
To you has Providence been kind,
As you should be to those inferior.

Example sheds a genial ray
Of light which men are apt to borrow;
So first improve yourself today
And then improve your friends tomorrow.

Author Unknown

THE AMERICAN ITALIANS...

Italians have a $40,000. Kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.

There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.

The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra in the dining room.

God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception).

Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians, we don't care about cholesterol.

Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and soup.

If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.

If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand.

No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down you'll make up for it next week at confession.

Sunday dinner was at 2:00. The meal went like this...

Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean, What more do you want?

All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonno & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins.

Homemade wine and bottles of 7up are on the table.

First course, Antipasto...change plates.

Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all pasta Macaroni)...change plates.

After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables...change plates.

THEN and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)...change plates.

Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones).

Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonno, 'Merican' coffee for the rest) with hard Cookies to dip in the coffee.

The kids go play...the men go to lay down. They slept so soundly you could perform brain surgery on them without anesthesia..the women clean the kitchen.

Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.

Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room.

Prom Dress that Zia Ceserina made you...$20.00 for material. Prom hair-do from Cousin Angela...$Free. Turning around at prom to see your entire family (including Godparents) standing in the back of the gym... PRICELESS!

The true Italians will love this, those of you who are married to Italians will understand this, and those of you who are friends with Italians will remember and will forward it to their Italian friends!

DISCOVER YOUR SOUL

In this talk, the Siri Singh Sahib (Yogi Bhajan) talks about meditation as a tool for mental clarity. "If you do not find God within yourself, you do not find God at all." Instead of looking for your "soul mate" he says that when you connect to your own soul, then you understand that "Your very own soul is your soul mate." He also talks about the problem of information overload in the computer age and how to deal with it.

GIVING UP WINE...

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

CRUISE TOWEL FOLDING ANIMAL DEMO