PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS NUTS

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside

And deflower young virgins, who pay

Them for the privilege of having sex

For the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there

Any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(Is this a great country or what?

Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses

150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and

Always falls over on its right side

When intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of???)

(Did the government pay

For this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad

Breath in the morning!)

BERI PANI

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads. "Wanted - Painter of Porch".

Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!

In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?"

Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well."

"Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narining na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi".

"Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.

"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.

"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch... your car is a BMW..."

BREAK MUNA TAYO...

Husband: Lagi mo pala dinadala ang picture ko sa bag mo pag pumapasok ka sa office. Baket?
Wife: Pag may problema ko, kahit gaano kabigat, nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture mo.
Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal mo ko.
Wife: Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS HIHIGIT PA DITO.

Lola hinoldap.
LOLA: Wala akong pera!
HOLDAPER: Alam ko kung nasan pera mo. (sabay pinasok ang kamay sa bra ni lola)
LOLA: Tuloy mo pa. Me cheke pa sa baba!

Pulis: Bayad ko sa kape, o.
Intsik: Aba, bakit ka bayad?
Pulis: Utos na ni Lacson, wala nang kotong.
Intsik: Aba sige, simula ngayon hindi na ako dura sa kape mo.

WIFE: Hudas ka! lagi kang umuuwing lasing. Naaasar na tuloy ako sa mukha mo.
HUSBAND: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako naman ang maaasar sa mukha mo!

LUCIO TAN: 25% Fillipino, 75% Chinese.
HENRY SY: 20% Fillipino, 80% Chinese.
ERAP: 30% Fillipino, 70% Alcohol.
MANOLING MORATO: 50% Filipino, 50% Filipina.

Sinner: Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I'm sexually preoccupied and often read dirty jokes and graphics from my cellphone.
Priest: My child ... can we be textmates?

Anak: 'Nay, puede na ba akong magbra? Nay, kinse na po ako, puede na ba?
Ina : Hoy! Joselito! tigilan mo nga ako!!!!

Man: Doc, help me uminom ako ng baygon
Doc: Bakit, magsusuicide ka?
Man: Hindi. Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis.
Doc: Tanga! Dapat kumain ka na lang ng tsinelas.

Anak: Dear Itay, padalhan mo ako ng pera kasi ang mga damit ko pinagkakain ng mga daga.
Itay: Dear Anak, wala akong pera. Kung gusto mo, meron dito pusa.

Isang babae bumili ng asukal. Inabot ng tindera, pero sabi ng babae,
"Miss, asin itong binigay mo sa akin."
Tindera: Hindi, asukal yan. Minarkahan lang naming "Asin" para hindi langgamin.

Ngongo dictionary:
CATTLE - dun nakatira ang printeta at printipe
MELT - yun ang sinusuot sa mewang
EFFORT - dun nag-la-land ang efflane
STATUE - ikaw ba yan?

ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo Suffer yon!!

Maganda daw mapangasawa CANADIAN, kasi pwede mong sabihin:
Maglaba CANADIAN!
Magsaing CANADIAN!
Hubad CANADIAN!
Tuwad CANADIAN!
Ano, okay CANADIAN?

M'AM: Inday, sa susunod, ayokong pinakikialaman mo ang condom namin ng sir mo!
INDAY: M'am, hwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami sanay ni Sir gumamit niyan! Sobra kayo!

MRS: Lolokohin ko mister ko. Magpapanggap akong pick-up girl ako. Pagkita kay Mister: Hi Pogi! AVAILABLE ako ngayon....
MR: Ayoko sa yo!! Kamukha mo misis ko!!

GOD SAVE THE PHILIPPINES...

THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE PHILIPPINES

by Father James Reuter, S.J.

By her own admission, GMA rightfully assessed that "over the last decades, our republic has become one of the weakest, steadily left behind by its more progressive neighbors." Forty years ago, we were only second to Japan in economic stature, and way ahead of Singapore, Hongkong, Malaysia, and Thailand. Today, at our present growth rate, it will take us 30 years to get to where Thailand is today.

1. A population of 160 Million;

2. Of those, 70 to 90 million (equivalent to our current population) will live below the poverty line;

3. Our national debt is estimated to be at US$200B (compared to US$28B when Marcos fled, and US$ 53B today);

4. We will be competing, not against Thailand or even Vietnam, but against Bangladesh;

5. We will be the most corrupt nation in Asia, if not in the world (we're already ranked 11th most corrupt nation by Transparency International).

The signs are clear. Our nation is headed towards an irreversible path of economic decline and moral decadence. It is not for lack of effort. We've seen many men and women of integrity in and out of government, NGOs, church groups & people's organization devote themselves to the task of nation-building, often times against insurmountable odds. But not even two people's revolutions, bloodless as they may be, have made a dent in reversing this trend. At best, we have moved one step forward, but three steps backward.

We need a force far greater than our collective efforts, as a people, can ever hope to muster. It is time to move the battle to the spiritual realm. It's time to claim GOD's promise of healing of the land for His people.

It's time to gather GOD's people on its knees to pray for the economic recovery and moral reformation of our nation. Is prayer really the answer? Before you dismiss this as just another rambling of a religious fanatic, I'd like you to consider some lessons we can glean from history. England's ascendancy to world power was preceded by the Reformation, a spiritual revival fueled by intense prayers. The early American settlers built the foundation that would make it the most powerful nation today - a strong faith in GOD and a disciplined prayer life. Throughout its history, and especially at its major turning points, waves of revival and prayer movement swept across the land.

In recent times, we see Korea as a nation experiencing revival and in the process producing the largest Christian church in the world today, led by Rev. Paul Yongi Cho. No wonder it has emerged as a strong nation when other economies around it are faltering.

Even from a purely secular viewpoint, it makes a lot of sense. For here there is genuine humbling & seeking of GOD through prayer, moral reformation necessarily follows. And this, in turn, will lead to general prosperity. YES, we believe prayer can make a difference. It's our only hope.

Today, we launch this email brigade, to inform Filipinos from all over the world to pray, as a people, for the economic recovery and moral reformation of our nation. We do not ask for much. We only ask for 5 minutes of your time in a day, to fwd this email to your close friends and relatives.

This is the kind of unity which can make a big difference. Of course, if you feel strongly, as I do, about the power of prayer, you can be more involved by starting your own prayer group or prayer center.

We have tried people power twice; in both cases, it fell short. Maybe it's time to try prayer power. GOD never fails.

Is there hope? YES! We can rely on GOD's promise, but we have to do our part. If we humble ourselves and pray as a people, GOD will heal our land. By GOD's grace, we may yet see a better future for our children. GOD bless and GOD save our country (from stupid and corrupt politicians)!

"If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and will forgive their sins, and will heal their land."

(2 Chronicles 7:14).

KATATAWANAN DAW

Intsik patay punta sa heaven, he asks St. Peter: "Ano dyan sa kabila?"
St. Peter: “Wala, impyerno. Super init!!!”
Intsik: “Lipat ako dun.”
St. Peter: “Ha? Bakit?!”
Intsik: “Ako benta ice water.”

Pari: What’s your problem, son?
Man: I'm so depressed, Father. My son is an addict, my daughter is a prostitute and my wife is a gambler.
Pari: Tsk!Tsk! Disastrous! Is there anything positive in your life, son?
Man: Meron, Father... my AIDS test.

A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight." So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough" The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative" Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines? In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to the US!

Bakit lagging Intsik and kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy – hulugan!
Pag Bumbay – 5-6!
Pag Kano – credit card!
E pag Intsik – C.O.D.!!!

Lulubog na ang barko...
Pari: San Pedro, San Jose...
Madre: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
Intsik: Anu ba kayo, lubok na balko, tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

ONCE UPON A DREAM...

In the spring of 1967, I competed with a number of students from different universities in an examination given by the French Government. The main prize at stake was a round-trip ticket to Paris plus a year fully-paid scholarship grant at the University de Lille. Although I was not officially endorsed to represent my school, I boldly made a go at it on my own personal initiative because it was my only and unique chance to make my dream come true, i.e. to go overseas without incurring a major financial undertaking. Alas, my initial hope crumbled when I did not make it through the last question of the oral examination. In a flashback, however, I could have passed it by default had I only known in advance the nationality of Jean-Jacques Rousseau was not French, but Swiss!

Worse yet, that summer I experienced the most frustrating setback in my life that had plunged me deeper into despair and desolation but short of a major nervous breakdown. The underlying reason for which was that I was very confident that I though I already had the post I applied for at the Foreign Office exclusively for myself because I had passed all the required entrance examinations successfully, complete with the appropriate experience and the necessary civil service qualification. What an utterly fool I had made of myself to have believed so naively that such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity could only be too good to be true!

On the big day that I thought I would be signing the employment contract and assume my post officially, I nearly passed out from seeing the event turned suddenly into a nightmare as I witnessed helplessly in confusion how I was being practically bypassed by a young and unexperienced newly graduate who was already occupying the desk that was supposed to be intended for me while she was being personally escorted and recommended by an influential family acquaintance employed internally who was seemingly in a very intimate conversation with the head of the department at the moment as I waited for my turn. As a consolation, I only got the same old refrain "don't call us, we'll call you once a suitable post would be available in due course!" How on the earth could such a thing ever happen to me at the most crucial moment that I was so desperately counting on as if my whole future only depended on it? What an ironic twist of destiny that I even had to sacrifice and resign from a very promising and stable position in an international organization the month before so that I could serve my own country!

In the aftermath of all this chain of unlucky incidents, I just felt so badly humiliated and totally betrayed by such a flagrant and vicious practice that I completely lost whatever trust I had in the political system. What else were my options and raison d’être of staying behind and fighting against injustice and corruption when I already knew from the start that I was only waging a losing battle? Feeling too vulnerable and forlorn to see that my only opportunity to serve my own government being practically shattered and disintegrated right in front of my eyes, I firmly decided right there and then to leave the country for good. In my state of rage and frustration, however, the thought of losing my temper by attacking blindly the authorities would not only prove to be a quixotic and suicidal initiative but also a totally useless and ephemeral cause to die for.

Finally, I chose to remain alive and be a coward than to be dead and become a martyr or an unsung hero who would only to be forgotten before he could be completely buried six feet under the ground. Moreover, such a radical reaction would very likely be tantamount to be sentenced to imprisonment without a fair trial for sedition or treason against the internal security of the state which could subsequently compromise my precarious situation and jeopardize my plan of carrying out my immediate departure.

Meanwhile, the prevailing political atmosphere had become so intolerable that I could hardly bear to stay any much longer or else I would go banana. Like an injured animal that was trapped in an ambush, I just then became so obsessed and jealous to keep my only fondest dream alive within me no matter how impossible it could be or how long it would take me but I'd do my best to make it come true at any costs in the end. On the other hand, to think of leaving on a spur of the moment in such an erratic state of mind with a few pennies in my pocket would be highly too farfetched and most unlikely to materialize on a very short notice. Hopefully before I could do something foolish which would make me regret dearly for the rest of my life, I lighted candles in every church that I passed by on my way and prayed hard for a miracle to happen...

Unexpectedly that fall just a few days before my birthday, I received a wire from the French Embassy requesting me to present myself again for an oral examination and interview by the newly-appointed cultural attaché. All of a sudden, I saw a ray of hope. Although I knew I had a rather slim chance of winning the scholarship this time, I just couldn’t cry victory until the result was official, because I was too scared to go through the same experience I have had at the Foreign Office, once again. Moreover, I was competing with two other candidates who came from more prestigious and exclusive schools. Deep inside me, I was somehow ravaged by a sense of guilt of self-apprehension for not having been an outstanding student or an alumnus of a big league university. Yet I could be too proud to be the only one from my school to have qualified in the finals.

What a mixed blessing of laughter and tears when the scholarship was officially awarded to me a week later. My office colleagues were so overwhelmed to see me jumped with joy by the telephone as I broke them the good news and they congratulated me, even those who detested and envied me for speaking French. It came to me as a total surprise that I could hardly believe I finally made it. For a fraction of a second, I went blank and couldn’t utter a word as if I was practically hit by a lightning. My mind traveled at a supersonic speed into a kaleidoscopic jumble of images of the landmarks I only saw on postcards, like the Seine, Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Sacré-Coeur, Latin Quarter, and all the other sights that I read and saw in the books and magazines. As I gradually regained consciousness, I hazily imagined having distinguished the word « Paris » appearing on tilt like in a slot machine, for a dream that was still to be realized very soon!

In fact, it was the craziest moment of my life yet the most memorable because all my hardships and sacrifices were duly recognized and finally rewarded -- by a foreign government! As a result of this lucky stroke of fate, my whole life radically took a 180-degree turn and it was changed overnight completely!

ULTIMO PAALAM

Adios, Patria adorada, polluted na ang karsada

Perla del mar de trapiko, nuestro perdido tambutso

A darte voy a brownout, para ka na ring na-knock out

A fuera mas mainit, taong bayan nagngingitngit

Tambien por ti lad diera, para tayong nasa giyera.

El campos de basura, singhutando con delirio

Otros te dan sus microbio, sin duda, con ubo

Emergency power nada importa, Ramos de Venecia or Angara

Napocor o Meralco cerrado, generator o cruel martirio

Lo mismo es so expensive, por la pitaka de Pandoy.

Yo muero cuando veo, patay na raw ang kabayo

Y al fin anuncia el dia, matrapik daw sa Buendia

Si grana necesitas, para close down las fabricas

Verte la sangre mia, kawawa an maralita

Y dorela un reflejo, de apat na kandila

Mis suenos cuando apenas, mga trapo nakakabanas

Mis suenos cuando joven, pen pen de sarapen

Fueron el verte un dia, naka-air con ang mga buwaya

Secos los negros ojos, sa Epifanio de los Santos

Sin ceno, sin arugas, pulitikong mandurugas

Ensueno de mi vida, hithit-buga, hithit-buga

Salud! te grita el alma, alingasaw ng industria

Salud! ah, que es hermosa, di na sila tumatawa

Morir por darte vida, puro grasa na ang mata

En tu pollutada tierra, sumalangit nawa sila.


NB. This is a parody of Rizal's poem "Ultimo Adios."
For the complete orginal versions in English and Spanish,
log on to:  www.ningaskugonbaga.blogspot.com.

TRAVEL NOTES FROM DEAN

My permanent room-mate Elena has organized a group of about 20 to tour mainland China, Hong Kong, and Tokyo for two weeks come October. We had this kind of tour back in 1984 with a different group of friends. Besides the two of us, the group will include our older daughter Nancy and her younger son Rex, our younger daughter Lulu and her husband, and her husband’s sister. As usual in the return trip, luggage will be heavier because of irrepressible impulse shopping round and round in Hong Kong stores by the women (yeah, men too!).

This itch for travel abroad started when we went to Mexico in 1976. It was as fascinating as first love. So, we followed it up with tours to the Orient in 1978, Western Europe four times in the 80’s and 90’s, and the Scandinavian countries in the 90’s. One reason for this frequent globe-trotting is the encouragement given up by our children. They told us not to think of leaving them our inheritance, and instead spend our money on travels. Another reason is we are getting old, and as the saying goes: “Make hay while the sun shines.” These travels have become what fairy tales are to a child. This reminds me of the opening lines of a Frank Sinatra son: “Fairy tales can come true, it may happen to you if you’re young at heart.”

Some relatives and friends ask us this nagging question: “Are you going back to the Philippines to spend the rest of your lives in old age?” Unhesitatingly, we reply with a resounding “NO!” When we left the Philippines to immigrate, we had already decided to make America our new home and be buried in American soil. We had burned the bridges behind us. We have bought burial plots in a beautiful cemetery about 12 minutes drive from our house. There is no iota of regrets for sticking it out here in the U.S. The reason? Not to deride the country where we were born, but in there we cannot have as much comforts of California lifestyle that we presently enjoy. California has a variety of geographical features: mountains, valleys, lakes, rivers, ocean, and deserts. Among the 50 states, California ranks first in population and third in area after Alaska and Texas. If California were a country, it would be the seventh richest in the world!

Los Angeles, 26 June 1998

MAYAMAN VS. MAHIRAP

Kung mayaman ka at nangangati ang iyong balat, meron kang "allergy";

Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"

Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress".

Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo";

Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay" ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac";

Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric";

Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine".

Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom";

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic".

Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba";

Kung ang senorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "kayumanggi".

Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga" o "tsimay"

Kung nasa high society ka pa rin at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite";

Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot" o "unano" o "jabbar".

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump";

Kapag mahirap ka at ikaw'y "mataba", "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba", pagminamalas ka, "baboy".

Kung well-off ka, at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "game";

Kung mahirap ka ikaw ay "pakawala" o pam-pam.

Kung mayamang alembong ka ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated";

Pero kung isa kang dukha ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"

Kung maypera ka ang tawag sa iyo "single parent";

Pero kung wala kang trabaho ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada".

Health conscious ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain "vegetarian" ;

Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."

Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro.

Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila ay walang hiya".

Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood";

Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang".

Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner";

Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gunggong".

Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,

"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking";

Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom" o "hampaslupa" o "masiba".

Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa PC mo, "okay lang";

Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay "nagbubulakbol" kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo.

FOLIE DE GRANDEUR...

Dear Choy,

No matter how many people have overestimated Lino’s leadership, especially among those like you who are close collaborators or members of his personal sports association that unanimously named him as president-for-life since its inception in the ''70's, he never turned out a single second-generation Filipino athlete of international standard that he could show off or be proud of to include in the rank of Tiger Woods or Serena and Venus Williams. As you’d note in the attached photo, Aruna Dindane, at the age of 23, is the first African ever to receive the Golden Shoe Award for being the best football player of 2003. How do you feel if it were your son instead of him? Don't you ever want to see a Filipino to be given such a most prestigious award while we're still around, even if it isn’t 24-carat gold? Perhaps, Lino might still be banking on her daughters to become the possible successors of the Williams sisters someday. No one knows what fate has in store for each one of us. Nevertheless, I only hope and pray that we'd still be alive and kicking to be able to see that seemingly impossible dream to have at least one world-class champion finally comes true!

I remember how all of his followers and those who from the embassy that were intimate to him have overestimated and made him the overall winner of every “pissing” contest he organized to prove who’s the best to the extent of inflating and titillating his ego by granting his two sons the most-favored treatment to rank them as first and second in their family-sponsored tennis tournament finals at the expense of other better players as a gesture of gratitude for his hospitality and generosity. If I weren't mistaken your son also ended up in the third place, didn't he? In the long run, what had he accomplished personally to enhance the country’s image in the local sports scene? Unfortunately, what a waste that he had never thought of taking advantage of the opportunities that his association could easily avail with from the innumerable possibilities offered by the sophisticated high-tech facilities and infrastructure that are locally available for all-round sport activities. Why hasn't he ever considered of sending second-generation Filipinos to any of the local sports organizations in order to give them a chance to undergo serious and professional training so that they could be able to participate and compete in any tournaments of international or Olympic standards? Through all the years under his presidency-for-life, he could have had at least accomplished something worthwhile on a professional level that would have put his name and our country on the limelight to have produced an athlete or two that could qualify and compete in any major international events, n'est-ce pas?

As his chi-chi boys, what had all the members gained in the end from being his die-hard and devoted followers by extolling on his personal glories in his frequent bouts of "folie de grandeur" each time he puts himself first of every pissing contest? On the other hand, I'm certain that if only the proceeds of the fees from the members and contributions from the sponsors was utilized and spent wisely as to hiring a professional coach in training young Filipinos in football or tennis where they would excel better than basketball or ping-pong, he could have had by then produced big time players in the caliber of Justine Henin-Hardene, Kim Clysters, Maradonna or Pele. Why did he not drop out the other non-productive sport disciplines and capitalize more on those in which Filipinos could have advanced and fared easily where height would no longer be the main argument or issue of handicap in participating or winning? I wonder if it isn't only a matter of congenital inferiority complex that one should consider himself as a virtual loser from the outset because of his height and built!

How could I ever underestimate somebody who has the pretension to compete in any sport discipline or to write a book on a famous personality that has already so much reference materials from where anyone could readily gather documents that he can easily compile into a manuscript? As I've told you in my last note, I did the same thing on Rizal when I was in the 6th grade history class as a term paper that I’ve wished I could have dedicated it to my late mother so that she would be very happy and proud of me. You too could do the same thing. Personally, I noticed you have a better command of English than him because his last note contained so many errors in grammar and syntax that I was rather skeptic than surprised how he could ever write such a highly academic works in flawless English without copying or seeking advice and assistance from professionals? (Log on to http://ningaskugonbaga.blogspost.com.) On the other hand, I believe you could also come up pretty well with an excellent work on any subject or whatever-have-you in collaboration with your wife. Why not? As a friendly advice, don't ever underestimate your hidden talents and potentials if you want to do something special that is dear to your heart.

Incidentally, have you ever read or reread Noli Mi Tangere and El Filibusterismo? Didn't you know that Rizal based them from Les Miserables of Victor Hugo and the Count of Monte Cristo of Alexandre Dumas, respectively? Undoubtedly, he didn't plagiarize them so to speak of course. However, I have the conviction that he could have just transposed and incorporated them cleverly into his major works within the context of the prevailing situation and condition in the country during his time. Did you fully understand the real essence of the message he wanted to impart from his works? Inasmuch as you praise and venerate him highly as the greatest hero ever, what do you think has he contributed to the country’s economic and political condition where the people could benefit fully and live happily from his teachings in spite of the growing problems against poverty, injustice and corruption? Incidentally, what are your objectives in promoting Rizal abroad? Is your organization a kind of a sect that its members are designated as "knights" even for the fact that Rizal had never been a sovereign like Queen Elizabeth? Que barbaridad! For your information, you could already be called “sir” as a form of respect without being a member of an occult organization and supposedly knighted by a charlatan couldn’t you? What a comedy! Do you think that by following blindly his footsteps and paying a lip service to his teachings would entitle you to a certain degree of accomplishment and honor? Are you convinced personally that the objectives of your movement could help make the country become more advanced and prosperous than its neighboring countries such as China, India, Malaysia, Singapore, Taiwan and Thailand? Except China with its Mao’s Red Book, most of these countries have had their share of corruption and dictatorship but have fared pretty much better than the Philippines, which is short of being considered a basket case if it weren't for the remittances coming in regularly thanks mainly to the overseas worker.

How is your family? I’m so sorry to hear from one of your former friends that you were fired from your last job. Anyway, I suppose that by now you must be living comfortably on the double pension you’ve proudly told me once that you’d automatically be entitled to get when you retire: one from the local government and the other from that of the foreign embassy where you worked as driver and domestic. How very lucky you must be! In fact, you’re more fortunate than those who worked so hard as you but they still have to go into any form of door-to-door business ventures in order to make both ends meet. Do you still remember the immense joy and pride you and your wife shared with everybody at Rosa's place in Cinquaintenaire many years ago when you talked highly about your son for being too brilliant for a newly-enrolled foreign student to end up in the top of the accueil class at College Jean XXIII? As I couldn't speak yet at that time for my children for it was rather too premature to do so, I envied somehow your excitement over your plan as to what you wanted him to do after high school, such as sending him to a very exclusive institution specializing in business and hotel management courses. How I remember so well as if it was like yesterday when you told me that he could manage pretty well a full-load course in business at College Saint Louis while he was working full time? When we met again the following year, you said that he abandoned business in place of a vocational course at the CERIA in hotel management. Sometime later when you confided me that he quit his studies completely as a result of continuous oppression and discrimination against him by his local classmates. By the way, where’s now your other son the one you told me who worked as the driver of a former ambassador that’s a close friend of a most-likely vice presidential winner that you were banking so much on him to work inside the presidential palace? Anyway, you seemed more or less contented but too resigned to admit that they are much better off with a high-school diploma than Lino's sons who haven't finished their secondary studies in spite of what he had spent from getting them the best private tutors and sending them to an exclusive boarding school. In a state of hopelessness and despair on realizing how he had practically failed to make his most cherished dream and ambition come true of seeing his sons succeed in their studies at all costs, he immediately got them mobilized in the army. I seemed to have lost contact with them personally and I ignore what has become of them in the end. Nonetheless, I heard rumors from the grapevine that his sons are no longer in good terms with him after the death of their mother on the question of inheritance and that they weren't even so lucky as him with their marriage and family life. C'est la vie! To be on the safer side however the appropriate proverb would be: “don’t count the chicks before they’re hatched.”

Somehow, sometimes it bothers me whether this could be the real reason why he tries so hard to avoid reverting to my notes or he’s too afraid and ashamed to be exposed as a bogus author to write a few lines without making mistakes. Instead, he came up cunningly with a pretext during our telephone conversation last Christmas that his computer broke down and that he couldn't afford to buy a new one in order to reply to all my emails. Upon hearing him say this remark, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud discreetly because I heard from the grapevine that he proclaimed himself as the richest Filipino in town after he sold his property a few months ago following the death of his first wife. Perhaps he thought I was too naïve or rather stupid to accept it so easily as a valid excuse but I hinted to him anyway that he could make avail of the numerous Internet and cyber cafes that are sprouting like mushrooms in almost every corner of his heavily-populated Muslim neighborhood or anywhere in the city where he could download and send his emails for only 1.50 euros/hour! Choy, what does he think of friendship for at such a miserable amount?

ONLI IN DA FILIPINS!

Funny stuff only found in the good old Philippines...

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"
* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"
* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"
* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"
* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"
* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"
* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"
* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"
* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"
* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"
* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."
* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"
* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"
* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"
* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"
* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the Philippines...
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR

In the course of my visits to the Embassy between the late '60's and early 70’s, I came to observe closely the flagrant modus operandi on how the consular staff rely on their personal whims and caprices prevailing at the moment in treating their own nationals in a very obvious selective manner. They classified them according to their social status, nature of their occupation, the level of their education or most especially by the degree of their affinity and relationship before they set up their priorities on whose applications would be processed and expedited first. Unfortunately, I have had my share of misfortune not only once but on a number of occasions after I went through such a nasty experience when I requested for an ordinary document that could have been processed on the spot the same day but only to be told off to return not once but twice because the front desk staff could not be disturbed in the middle of their intimate conversation regarding their own personal business or the officer authorized to sign was in a foul mood for having been stood up by her lover that she did not sleep well the night before. How I deplored so much such kind of gratuitous perverse and immoral practice of keeping the people to wait and then telling them off to come back for as many times as they wished without any consideration to the inconvenience that could eventually cause them by their indifference. There was no other alternative I could do but to wait and be patient for they could still be much nastier the second time around. Worse yet, I could never forget the way they looked down on me with obvious arrogance and derision as if I were an ordinary domestic worker they completely ignored me when a group of students arrived shortly after me for a courtesy call. When I wrote my observations and complaints to the Ambassador, I was only too surprised to get his personal reply where he explained about the framework and the specific functions of the different departments in the Embassy. Although I got a slightly better treatment thereafter, I just made my presence less and less ubiquitous and my visits very rare as much as possible.

I was so shocked and scandalized to learn officially that I would never get back a single cent from the taxes I've already paid for from all the previous annual income tax declarations that I filed with the hope of spending a golden retirement in my hometown someday. Instead, what I only got was a resounding and direct but cold reply that "it's an irony of life." Hearing such a rather insensitive and brutal remark from a senior consular officer, I seemed to have been struck by lightning that I felt utterly cheated and betrayed. Henceforth, I decided to keep my distance as much as possible and vowed to myself that I’d break away completely from any possible dealings with the Embassy from the day when I would finally obtain my naturalization. When I reflect on the miserable pension money which could hardly cover up decently the daily subsistence that my mother received for having sacrificed almost all her entire life working as a public elementary teacher, I could consider myself more fortunate and better off to be able to live comfortably on what I'm now getting as a pre-retiree from the local government. There was a particular incident that a stranded fellow national shared with me when he was refused entry to England and had to go to the Embassy to seek for advice and moral support but only to be told off with indifference by the consul general to just pack up and go home directly, being the standard official procedure to avoid any possible diplomatic incident with the local authorities.

When I flew to Europe in the fall of 1967 as a scholar, I wasn't only too happy to have finally fulfilled my most-cherished dream of going abroad but also too pleased and honored to come over at the expense of the French Government. Many a time, I had to pinch myself in order to prove that I wasn't dreaming awake. If it could have been a fairytale, I thought I could be Alice who got lost her sense of direction in a wonderland and practically went out of her mind visiting and admiring all the places that I read in the book. Unfortunately, I later discovered during my frequent trips that being an ordinary passport holder could prove to be more of a liability and a burden than an asset to one’s personal pride when traveling around Europe from the series of not-so-pleasant incidents and misadventures that I experienced, such as the untoward treatment in the course of a seemingly third-degree interrogation performed by the consular staff of foreign embassies in obtaining entry or transit visas which could prove to be very discouraging and humiliating or the unorthodox practice of random search and scrutiny by some unscrupulously rude customs and border control agents on ones body and belongings to be somewhat abjectly brutal if not traumatic that could eventually lead a highly sensitive person to the brink of a serious nervous breakdown or worse yet to disappear completely from the face of the earth for having been practically defiled and dishonored. Being in such a predicament of vulnerability and desperation, how I'd wished so badly that I would have had a passport from a powerful and rich country so that I could make a rebuttal and defend my honor as an decent and honest human being rather than always play the role of the usual docile victim or an underdog who would just remain to be insulted and oppressed worse than a presumed criminal and be subjected to certain forms of prejudice and discrimination. When I finally realized that I already have had more than my dose of all kinds of harassment and misadventure because I am from a Third World country, I decided to change immediately my nationality at all cost so that I could redeem and give myself a certain sense of self-esteem and pride, thus to be able to regain my self-respect and confidence in the long run. I am so glad my children were automatically entitled to my new citizenship that they were spared from going through what I had experienced. Somehow, I firmly believe that this could have had a substantial influence as an important factor which contributed much to their personal development in a more constructive and positive way while they were growing up.

Finally, it's too pathetic and sad to learn about the growing notoriety from the not-so-flattering image and reputation acquired by Filipinos abroad as economic refugees resulting from their continued massive exodus to look for work since the latter half of the 70's. In Italy, they constitute the largest foreign population where the word "Filipino" has been ostensibly incorporated in the local vocabulary and thereby widely used in the spoken language simply to refer to anybody in general who "is or works as a domestic," regardless of race, creed or country of origin.