UNEMPLOYED

An unemployed worker applies at Microsoft for the
position of a janitor.

The HR chief invites him to an interview and
subjects him to some tests.

Then he tells him: You got the job, just give me your e-mail address so that I can send you the employment contract as well as the day and time when to start.

The man is distraught and answers that he has no computer and therefore also no e-mail.

The HR boss tells him that if he has no e-mail address he virtually does not exist and therefore cannot hold a job.

The man leaves in a desperate mood without knowing what to do with his last $10 in his pocket.
Finally he decides to go into a supermarket to buy a
10 lb box of strawberries.

He starts out with door to door calls in order to sell those
strawberries by the pound.
He manages to double
his capital in 2 hours.
He repeats the deal 3 times more and goes home with $60 in his pocket.

He comes to see that he can survive this way. He starts every day earlier and comes home every day later. So he triples or quadruples his money every day.

A short time later he buys a wheel barrow, then exchanges it later into a truck and sooner or later is the owner of a complete fleet of delivery trucks.

5 year go by…

The man is now the owner of one of the largest food chain in the USA

Now he starts thinking about the future for him and his family and decides

He calls an agent and selects a good policy.

At the end of the negotiations the agent asks him for his e-mail address
to send him a confirmation of the policy.

The man tells him that he doesn’t
have an e-mail address!
That is strange, says the agent, you have no e-mail and nevertheless you built this large empire.
Can you imagine where you would be if you had an e-mail address.

The man briefly thinks and
then answers:
I WOULD BE A TOILET CLEANER AT MICROSOFT!

Moral 1 of the story:

The internet does not solve all the problems in our lives!

Moral 2 of the story:

When you have no e-mail but work hard you can become a millionaire!

Moral 3 of the story:

You received this story by e-mail. Therefore you are closer to
a janitor than to a millionaire!

Nevertheless
have a good day!!!!!

Don’t answer this e-mail since I am out buying strawberries!!!

TAWA MUNA TAYO

Pedro & Juan.. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain! Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo! Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo? Pedro: Asin! Tatay to anak.. TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor. ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro. TATAY: Bakit naman? ANAK: Matalino Tatay nun Tatay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng softdrink Anak: Coke o Pepsi? Tatay: Coke Anak: Diet o Regular? Tatay: regular Anak: Bote o in can? Tatay: Bote Anak: 8 oz o litro? Tatay:Bwiset, tubig na nga lang. Anak: Mineral o distilled? Tatay: Mineral. Anak: Malamig o hindi? Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh! Anak: Tambo o tingting? Tatay: Hayop ka! Anak: Baka o kambing? Mental patient is singing while lying in his hospital bed. After a song, he turns face down to sing again. NURSE: Bakit ka bumaliktad? PATIENT: Side B na kasi eh. ANAK: 'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama? INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!! Doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina? Boy: e Doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test tapos sasabihin pa niya... THINK POSITIVE ! Mahirap intindihin ang mga Kano kasi sa kanila ang malambot "SoP", ang sabaw "SoP", ang sabon "SoP" pa rin. ANAK: 'Tay , anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner? ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!! What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine? It wooden start!!! Operator: AT&T, How may I help you? Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis. Operator: Name of the party you're calling? Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis? Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling? Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquil. Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically. Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali? Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, P as in pidio, I as in idio, D as in dio, I as in io, and O as in o. Operator: Sir, can you please use English words. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba , U as in Europe , E as in important, and L as in elephant. Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf? Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup! Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast? Pinoy: Hameneggs. Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir? Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much. Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked? Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked. Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled? Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled. Waiter: And what bread would you like? Pinoy: Begyurpardon? Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast? Pinoy: Pan Americano Waiter: We don't have that. Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee. Waiter: We don't have that either, sir. Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete? Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast? Pinoy: Donut plis.... Two married men talking... 1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa. Anak : Tays! kakains nas tayos! Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam ? Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA ! BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng "cooling place"? BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihon mo: "Hilow, hus cooling place?" A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight." So the Chinese guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough" The Japanese man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative" Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!" How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog? Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If the cat likes it...rat! If it doesn't...cat! If it runs...dog! What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines ? In the US , they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US! Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap? Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan! Pag Bumbay - 5-6! Pag Kano - credit card! E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!! Lulubog na ang barko... PARI: San Pedro, San Jose ... MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara... INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

ONLINE FRAUD BEWARE

NEVER EVER GIVE YOUR CREDIT CARD OR PERSONAL DATA TO A SITE THAT DOES NOT BEGIN WITH HTTPS://

FIRST MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF: **The main difference between http:// and https:// is It's all about keeping you secure** HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients. The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS. The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure". If you visit a website or webpage, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://. This means that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecure' language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site. This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http website! But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on. You understand why this is so important, right? If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://. If it doesn't, there's no way you're going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number. PASS IT ON (You may save someone a lot of grief)