MEET MARVIN

Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine Men strike back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ------------------------------ ----------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. -- -------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------ Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------ ------------------------------------------ Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and To the select few women who can handle it! AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'... Maxine just had to have the last word.

UNEMPLOYED

An unemployed worker applies at Microsoft for the
position of a janitor.

The HR chief invites him to an interview and
subjects him to some tests.

Then he tells him: You got the job, just give me your e-mail address so that I can send you the employment contract as well as the day and time when to start.

The man is distraught and answers that he has no computer and therefore also no e-mail.

The HR boss tells him that if he has no e-mail address he virtually does not exist and therefore cannot hold a job.

The man leaves in a desperate mood without knowing what to do with his last $10 in his pocket.
Finally he decides to go into a supermarket to buy a
10 lb box of strawberries.

He starts out with door to door calls in order to sell those
strawberries by the pound.
He manages to double
his capital in 2 hours.
He repeats the deal 3 times more and goes home with $60 in his pocket.

He comes to see that he can survive this way. He starts every day earlier and comes home every day later. So he triples or quadruples his money every day.

A short time later he buys a wheel barrow, then exchanges it later into a truck and sooner or later is the owner of a complete fleet of delivery trucks.

5 year go by…

The man is now the owner of one of the largest food chain in the USA

Now he starts thinking about the future for him and his family and decides

He calls an agent and selects a good policy.

At the end of the negotiations the agent asks him for his e-mail address
to send him a confirmation of the policy.

The man tells him that he doesn’t
have an e-mail address!
That is strange, says the agent, you have no e-mail and nevertheless you built this large empire.
Can you imagine where you would be if you had an e-mail address.

The man briefly thinks and
then answers:
I WOULD BE A TOILET CLEANER AT MICROSOFT!

Moral 1 of the story:

The internet does not solve all the problems in our lives!

Moral 2 of the story:

When you have no e-mail but work hard you can become a millionaire!

Moral 3 of the story:

You received this story by e-mail. Therefore you are closer to
a janitor than to a millionaire!

Nevertheless
have a good day!!!!!

Don’t answer this e-mail since I am out buying strawberries!!!

TAWA MUNA TAYO

Pedro & Juan.. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain! Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo! Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo? Pedro: Asin! Tatay to anak.. TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor. ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro. TATAY: Bakit naman? ANAK: Matalino Tatay nun Tatay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng softdrink Anak: Coke o Pepsi? Tatay: Coke Anak: Diet o Regular? Tatay: regular Anak: Bote o in can? Tatay: Bote Anak: 8 oz o litro? Tatay:Bwiset, tubig na nga lang. Anak: Mineral o distilled? Tatay: Mineral. Anak: Malamig o hindi? Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh! Anak: Tambo o tingting? Tatay: Hayop ka! Anak: Baka o kambing? Mental patient is singing while lying in his hospital bed. After a song, he turns face down to sing again. NURSE: Bakit ka bumaliktad? PATIENT: Side B na kasi eh. ANAK: 'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama? INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!! Doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina? Boy: e Doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test tapos sasabihin pa niya... THINK POSITIVE ! Mahirap intindihin ang mga Kano kasi sa kanila ang malambot "SoP", ang sabaw "SoP", ang sabon "SoP" pa rin. ANAK: 'Tay , anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner? ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!! What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine? It wooden start!!! Operator: AT&T, How may I help you? Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis. Operator: Name of the party you're calling? Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis? Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling? Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquil. Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically. Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali? Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, P as in pidio, I as in idio, D as in dio, I as in io, and O as in o. Operator: Sir, can you please use English words. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba , U as in Europe , E as in important, and L as in elephant. Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf? Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup! Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast? Pinoy: Hameneggs. Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir? Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much. Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked? Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked. Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled? Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled. Waiter: And what bread would you like? Pinoy: Begyurpardon? Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast? Pinoy: Pan Americano Waiter: We don't have that. Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee. Waiter: We don't have that either, sir. Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete? Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast? Pinoy: Donut plis.... Two married men talking... 1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa. Anak : Tays! kakains nas tayos! Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam ? Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA ! BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng "cooling place"? BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihon mo: "Hilow, hus cooling place?" A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight." So the Chinese guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough" The Japanese man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative" Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!" How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog? Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If the cat likes it...rat! If it doesn't...cat! If it runs...dog! What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines ? In the US , they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US! Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap? Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan! Pag Bumbay - 5-6! Pag Kano - credit card! E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!! Lulubog na ang barko... PARI: San Pedro, San Jose ... MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara... INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

ONLINE FRAUD BEWARE

NEVER EVER GIVE YOUR CREDIT CARD OR PERSONAL DATA TO A SITE THAT DOES NOT BEGIN WITH HTTPS://

FIRST MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF: **The main difference between http:// and https:// is It's all about keeping you secure** HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients. The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS. The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure". If you visit a website or webpage, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://. This means that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecure' language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site. This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http website! But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on. You understand why this is so important, right? If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://. If it doesn't, there's no way you're going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number. PASS IT ON (You may save someone a lot of grief)

THERAPY

Your Goal should be to try at least one of these a week!

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks... Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana.'

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called... THERAPY

MAXINE'S WINTER

LIVING A LIFE

Follow the 3 R's:

Respect for self, Respect for others & Responsibility for all your actions.

 

Learn the rules so U know how to break them properly.

When U lose, don't lose the lesson.

When U realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Remember that not getting what U want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Judge your success by what U had to give up in order to get it.

 

Live a good & honorable life so that when U grow older & think back,

U will be able to enjoy it a second time.

 

ARE THERE ANY TAKERS?

Would-Be Bride, 107, Seeks Her First Husband

Too afraid to wed when young, Chinese woman fears she's a 'burden' to kin

updated 8:02 a.m. ET, Mon., Jan. 12, 2009

BEIJING - A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about, a Chinese paper reported.

Wang Guiying is worried she is becoming a burden to her aging nieces and nephews since breaking her leg when she was 102 and had to stop doing chores like washing her clothes.

"I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"

Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said.

"All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening," she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing.

Many also had their feet bound in an excruciating process aimed at making them look more dainty and marriageable.

Worried about becoming a 'burden'

After Wang's father, mother and older sister died, she still shied away from marriage. Instead she moved to the countryside and survived as a farmer until she was 74 years old and no longer strong enough to work in the fields, the report said.

Her nephew in the booming city of Chongqing then took Wang in, but she is worried he and her other nephews and nieces are too old to take care of her now even the youngest is 60.

"My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden," she said.

Local officials have said they are happy to help Wang search for a 100-year old groom, and suggested her family get in touch with old people's homes to find candidates, the paper said.

MEDIEVAL TOWN - RHODES

Rhodes (Greek: Ρόδος, Ródos, IPA: [ˈro̞ðo̞s]) is the principal city of the Greek island of Rhodes, in the southeastern Aegean Sea, and the capital of the Dodecanese prefecture. Its has a population of approximately 80,000. Rhodes has been famous since antiquity as the site of Colossus of Rhodes, one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The citadel of Rhodes, built by the Hospitalliers, is one of the best preserved medieval towns in Europe which in 1988 was designated as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

TAKE THE TIME

FLOWERS FOR THE UNKNOWN SOLDIERS

Armistice Day is the anniversary of the symbolic end of World War I on 11 November 1918. It commemorates the armistice signed between the Allies and Germany at Rethondes, France, for the cessation of hostilities on the Western Front, which took effect at eleven o'clock in the morning — the "eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month". While this official date to mark the end of the war reflects the cease fire on the Western Front, hostilities continued in other regions, especially across the former Russian Empire and in parts of the old Ottoman Empire.

The date was declared a national holiday in many allied nations to commemorate those members of the armed forces who were killed during war. Called Armistice Day in many countries, it was known as National Day in Poland (also a public holiday) called Polish Independence Day. After World War II, the name of the holiday was changed to Veterans Day in the United States and to Remembrance Day in countries of the British Commonwealth of Nations. Armistice Day remains an official holiday in France. It is also an official holiday in Belgium, known also as the Day of Peace in the Flanders Fields.

In many parts of the world people take a two minute moment of silence at 11:00 a.m. as a sign of respect for the roughly 20 million who died in the war, as suggested by Edward George Honey in a letter to a British newspaper although Wellesley Tudor Pole established two ceremonial periods of remembrance based on events in 1917. Beginning in 1939 the two-minute silence was moved to the Sunday nearest 11 November in order not to interfere with wartime production should 11 November fall on a weekday. Since the 1990s a growing number of people have observed a two-minute silence on 11 November, resulting in both Armistice Day and Remembrance Sunday being commemorated formally in the UK (although in 2007 they fell on the same day).

11 November 2008 is the 90th anniversary of Armistice Day. 2018 will be the 100th anniversary.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armistice_Day

LLORET DE MAR, SPAIN

MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL 2008 - BRUSSELS, BELGIUM

CONTESA DEL SECCHIO - SAN ELPIDIO, ITALY