ERAP JOKES

MEDYAS
Isang alalay: Boss Erap, bakit magkaiba ang medyas mo? Isang green, isang red.
Erap: Ewan ko nga kung saan ito nabili ni Loi. May isang pares pa ako na ganito sa bahay.

ERAP MAKES A WISH
Erap shows a map of the Philippines to a genie and wishes that all the islands be connected by fly-overs
Genie: I'm not that good. Make another wish!
Erap: Okay. Make me intelligent!
Genie: Can I see the map again?

SIGNAL LIGHT
Driver to Erap: Boss, paki-tingnan nga ninyo yung signal light kung ayos na
Erap: (inilabas ang ulo at tiningnan): Ooops sira. ooops gawa.ooops sira...

ERAP CALLING A HOTEL RECEPTIONIST
Erap: Paano ako makakalabas dito sa kuwarto ko?
Receptionist: Bakit po sir, ano pong problema sa mga pinto?
Erap: Dalawa lang ang pinto. Ang isa pag bukas ko banyo.
'Yung isa naman may nakasabit na "do not disturb" .

MEDICAL EXAM:
Erap is appearing for his university final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away as well. His pants, socks and watch follow suit.
The nurse, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Miss, I am only following the instructions," he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief'."

ELEVATOR:
FVR: Sorry I'm late! brownout! na stuck sa elevator for 1 hour
ERAP: Wala yan ako 3 hours sa escalator

SIX OR EIGHT:
Erap calls into a take-out pizza parlor.
Pizza man: Would you like your pizza sliced into six or eight?
Erap: Six, I don't think I could eat eight.

UNDERWEAR:
DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples
ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?

MY BODY HURTS:
ERAP: Doc, help me. My body hurts all over. Look, if I touch my head, OUCH! My leg, OUCH! Even my hair, OUCH!
DOC: Ah, Mr. President, I think your finger is broken.

CHARITY:
ERAP Handed a cheque to Sec. Zamora as donation to a charitable institution.
SEC. ZAMORA: "Mr. President, bakit walang pirma ito?"
ERAP: "OK lang kasi gusto ko maging ANONYMOUS DONOR".

BALLERINA:
While watching a ballerina tip toeing on stage, Erap commented- "Ang tanga naman ng direktor! Bakit hindi na lang sya kumuha ng matangkad?!"

IN A COFFEE SHOP:
Erap: One coffee please
Waiter: Decaf, sir?
Erap: Of course! Debaso is too big and too much for me!

FLIGHT TO SF:
ERAP: I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco
OPERATOR: Just a minute sir
ERAP: Ah, ok. Thank you.

APOLLO 13:
Reporter: Mr. President, have you watched "Apollo 13".
Erap: No, I might not undertand it.
Reporter: Why??
Erap: because I wasn't able to watch Apollo part 1 to 12.

PIZZERIA:
While in a pizzeria.
Erap : What are your specialties?
Waiter : Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.
Erap : Talaga, bigyan mo nga ako ng Shakey's !!

SCIENCE CLASS:

In a science class.
Classmate : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot ang elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?
Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?
Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!

BLACK TIE:
ERAP: Nakakahiya! GRABE! Hindi na ako mauulit...
JINGGOY: Bakit Dad?
ERAP: Sabi sa invitation black tie only, pagdating ko do'n, may suot din pala silang polo at pantalon!

PIP:
Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?
Erap: (natawa) trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di pang-lima, kaya nga PIP and tawag sa kanya, di ba?

MIRROR:
There was a mirror that eats liars.
Pangit: I think I'm CUTE! - kinain siya.
Taba: I think I'm SEXY! - kinain siya.
Erap: I think… - kinain na.

ERAP AND FIRE EXIT:
Scenario: Nasusunog ang Malacanang!
Guard: Mr. President dito po ang daan sa fire exit.
Erap: Engot, diyan nga dadaan ang apoy, eh!